At a Glance
Boundaries are a key pillar ofhealthy relationships.
They come in many forms (physical, sexual, emotional, etc.)
and allow you to have meaningful connections to others and ourselves.
Delmaine Donson / Getty / Verywell Mind
Setting healthy boundaries requires self-reflection and respectful yetassertive communication.
Its important to remember that boundaries are a long-term process and need to be maintained over time.
What Are Boundaries in a Relationship?
In essence, they define the structure and dynamic of our relationships.
Dr. Orleck compares a healthy boundary to Goldilocks.
The key is to strike a balance.
In reality, boundaries do quite the oppositethey foster deeper connections to others and ourselves.
Setting boundaries starts with self-check-ins.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries in a relationship can be…scary.
Especially if you struggle with vocalizing your needs or get anxious about how the other person might respond.
But there are a few things it’s possible for you to do to make these conversations less frightening.
You statements, on the other hand, can sound accusatory and put them on guard.
This helps the other person see things from your perspective without being on the defense.
Examples of Healthy Boundaries
Astarte says that healthy boundaries honor the relationship were in.
They communicate what we need from our partners to feel respected.
Examples of Unhealthy Boundaries
To set healthy boundaries, you also need to understand whatunhealthyones look like.
[This approach] doesn’t actually lead to mutual respect or enhance connection, Dr. Orleck adds.
That said, some boundaries can betoofirm.
Tips for Maintaining Boundaries
Boundariesarent a one-and-one ordeal in most cases.
Even couples in healthy long-term relationships experience boundary violations.
Its important to consistently communicate your need for new boundaries while maintaining existing ones.
Alex Banta, LISW-S, clinical director atThriveworks, has been with her husband for 12 years.
This is just an area that needs a refresh.
Assuming positive intent goes a long way!
Your friend or partner might accidentally overstep your boundary.
You might evencross your friend’s boundariesonce or twice, but it’s not a huge ordeal.
Give them (and yourself) grace.
Remind yourself to be adaptable.
With time and practice, setting and honoring your boundaries won’t be anxiety-inducing or super scary.
But just another regular conversation with your partner.
2023;43(1):29-41. doi:10.1177/02762366231158274
