But is there a risk of unintentionally putting the weight of healing on them too?
Why Do We Share in Relationships?
The more we know about our partner, the more we know how to love and appreciate them.
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When a partner shares something, they usually want acknowledgment or to build a connection.
Over time, the intimacy may grow into one that can handle individual and mutual problems together.
Its good to have someone there for our full emotional expression.
Why Cant Our Partner Be Our Therapist?
Lets examine what a romantic partner is and isnt responsible for in a relationship.
This kind of reciprocation creates a nourishing love with clear limits.
They know about our family dynamics, past experiences, worries, goals, and dreams.
We lean on them for support.
And yet, they cant be our therapist.
Our partners often know us better than others.
They know about our family dynamics, past experiences, worries, goals, and dreams.
We lean on them for support.
And yet, they cant be our therapist.
Because of those reasons, its important that our partner is just one of many that we lean on.
Do they want advice, or do they want someone to listen without judgments and feedback?
Sometimes a partner just wants space to rant and complain without needing solutions," Kok says.
When the limit has been reached, this is where a mental health professional comes in.
On the other hand, a therapist is entirely focused on their client’s growth and healing.
However, by taking this problem-solving approach, the attuned partner may cross lines into murkier territory.
Or worse, the helping partner may feel emotionally neglected as the other partners problems take over the relationship.
The Dynamic Feels One-Sided
Healthy relationships require give-and-take.
Simply put, in this situation, one person is receiving more than the other.
Over time, the pressure can make them feel unseen.
The responsibility is too great for your partner to handle, no matter how wonderful they are.
Hether-Gray shares that the maintenance of strongboundaries in a relationshipis essential.
It will not be as effective as going to a therapist and could end up making struggles worse.
A partner isnt trained in mental health counseling and even if they were, they cant be impartial.
Theres a reason why ethically and legally, therapists cant treat family members or people they know.
Venting to a partner is often not helpful because it fills the relationship with negative emotions.
If we are going to talk about deep emotional experiences with our romantic partner, then make it constructive.
However, if that experience is causing flashbacks of trauma, then its time for professional support.
For everything else, she recommends offering intentional support without jumping into problem-solving mode.
One approach is to empower them to manage their problems and ask them questions that place ownership on them.
Boundaries allow for healthy intimacy in relationships.
Not every secret, desire, or experience needs to be shared.
Helfand suggests using metacommunication before entering a charged topic will help manage emotional expectations.
Is it OK if I share more?
If the helping feels codependent, Helfand recommends having a conversation about looking outside of the partnership for support.
Tell them you love them and that you think a professional would be better suited to actually help.
Offering to help them find someone or even attending the first session can also help them feel more supported.
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