The mother feeds, clothes, and bathes us.
The mother cares for us, guides us, protects us.
Some mothers lack the necessary caregiving we need in our adolescence (and beyond).
Layla Bird/ Getty Images
This can be your mom, your dad, or a parental figure.
A strained or wonky relationship with your caregiver can result in a mother wound.
The same rule applies to mental wounds.
Thats why its super important to identify your symptoms if you’re dealing with a mother wound.
Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is a hallmark characteristic of having a mother wound, says Kopycienski.
It can manifest in persistent negative beliefs about yourself including I am unlovable or I am a failure.
Additionally, Kopycienski says, People who struggle with this wound usually struggle with self-care and self-compassion.
Didn’t I teach you how to wash your face?
Or, when mom didn’t like her outfit, she’d say: What is wrong with you?
You look like a hobo.
Much of this negative self-talk centers around her appearance, just like her mother focused on.
Did I just learn how to talk?
These recriminations are her internal language now.
This tends to show up as different types of relationship dysfunctions.
Say your mother was abusive or highly critical.
According to our experts, your mother’s behavior stems from their trauma.
Your mom has theirownmother wound passed down fortheirmother and so on.
It becomes an endless cycle of trauma, passed from one generation to anothera kind of intergenerational trauma.
But breaking this trauma cycle is within reach.
Lets take a look at what that involves.
Healing and Recovery from the Mother Wound
Healing from a mother wound is possible, Bennett stresses.
But, what does this healing look like?
It means that you will have to bring awareness to dynamics from childhood and examine them, she says.
It involves determining what was missing from your childhood and looking for a way to provide that for yourself.
This may include providing yourself with the safety, acceptance, and love missing from your childhood.
Self-Care
Self-care andself-compassionare so important when working on breaking the mother wound and cycle of trauma.
Sometimes, repairing this relationship with your mom isnt always possible.
Some mothers simply are unable to acknowledge or process what they have done, Bennett says.
Healing Is Possible
That said, sometimes healing is possible and there is a happy ending.
Kopycienski has witnessed it herself with a former client.
Takeaways
You are not the only one who has a mother wound.Daddy issues?Mommy issues?
They’re all just different forms of trauma stemming from our difficult relationships with our caregivers.
But here’s the thing: you don’thaveto carry this wound anymore.
Does that look like having a fully repaired relationship with your mother?
you’re free to give it to yourself and nurture them in adult relationships.
You’re in the driving seat of your life nownot your mom, not your dad, no one.
Karakas NM, Dagl FS.The importance of attachment in infant and influencing factors.Turk Pediatri Ars.
2022;13:800687. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2022.800687
American Psychological Association.Boundary.
APA Dictionary of Psychology.
2018;12(4):515-528. doi:10.1007/s40653-018-0244-6
