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Why do opposites attract?
At a Glance
The idea that we are drawn to our opposites is mostly a myth.
Opposities do sometimes attract, especially when in comes to initial sexual chemistry.
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Why Do We Believe That Opposites Attract?
Weve heard it again and again.
But is there real psychology behind the popular phrase “opposites attract” in relationships?
The myth that opposites attract suggest that, much like magnets, we are attracted to our polar opposites.
It seems to make sense that theyd be a good match.
The rationale is clear.
As a result, we erroneously conclude that complementary personalities make for better, stronger, healthier relationships.
Scientific evidence has proven, however, that this is not true.
Why Do Opposite Attract in Relationships?
There are a few reasons why you might be drawn to someone different from you.
Excitement
Opposites may attract at first because the other person seems new and exciting.
Maybe the object of your attention is a medal-winning professional snowboarder and you are an accountant.
Or perhaps that person who entered the conference room represents something forbidden.
Sexual Chemistry
Upon first meeting, thephysical chemistrymight be off the charts.
This might be evidence oflust.
Strong sexual desire in and of itself can be healthy.
It can also keep the flames of passion stoked in a long-term relationship.
But lust without emotions,intimacy, and commonalities does not make for ahealthy long-term relationship.
According to scientific studies discussed below, neither does staying with our opposites.
In the beginning stages, the differences may still seem intriguing.
Thats because differences havent proven to beobstacles in the relationshipyet.
Ifyour current flame or partner is your opposite, it will make for a more difficult road ahead.
What About Couples With Mismatched Sex Drives?
Past findings linked the mismatch to poorer sexual and relationship outcomes.
However, those who feel like they are opposites when it comes to sexual compatibility can rest assured.
Study participants had higher sexual and relationship satisfaction as a result.
In one older study, timid, verbally inhibited participants were paired with critical, assertive partners.
The pairings became unsustainable.
The study consisted of timid, inhibited males alienated by strong critical females.
We also know the limitations of pairing opposites through other studies.
Recently, psychologists analyzed the combined results of over 240 studies in one.
They, too, found that similar partnerships scored the highest.
Similarities fell into the areas of values,attitudes,personality traits, and interests.
Without similarities, it seems like partnerships fall apart.
In that case, the relationship likely wont work in the long run.
He co-authored a study published in the journalPsychological Science.
And in the short term, opposites can work in relationships.
Based on solid science, relationships are more likely to flourish if youre engaged with someone similar.
New insights from response surface analyses.Social Psychological and Personality Science.
2017;28(3):276-284. doi:10.1177/0956797616678187
