We also pay a lot of attention to these descriptors when describing what we want in a partner.

They also influence how you form connections with people more than you may realize.

These codes are combinations of traits like Extraversion vs. Introversion, Sensing vs. Intuition, Thinking vs.

Couple in a car driving

Verywell Mind / Getty Images

Feeling, and Judging vs.

The Enneagram,however, digs deeper into why we behave as we do.

It categorizes people into nine types, each with its core desires, fears, and growth paths.

Unlike the MBTI, which focuses on external behaviors, the Enneagram explores our internal motivations and emotional patterns.

For example, two people high in agreeableness will likely have a harmonious and cooperative relationship.

Usingpersonality assessments, such as the MBTI or Big Five, can provide a structured way to explore compatibility.

Understanding Compatibility in Relationships

Compatibility can make or break a relationship.

Its one of the best-kept secrets to some of the healthiest long-term relationships you know.

Compatibility is how well two peoples traits, behaviors, and emotional needs align and complement each other.

Weve all heard the phrase,opposites attract.

More often than not, this holds true.

The key to a successful relationship is two capable partners who can maintain it.

Understanding and respecting each otherscommunication preferenceswill help prevent small fights from becoming blown out of proportion.

Feeling(F), and Judging(J) vs.

Perceiving(P).

Alex describes himself as anINFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging).

INFJs are known for being empathetic, reflective, and organized.

Since Alex tends to be more cautious, he occasionally appreciates how adventurous Emily is.

It categorizes personalities into nine distinct types and answers not just the whats but the whys about our personalities.

Compatibility in the Enneagramis about balance and growth.

Its recognizing that while differences can be challenging, they help deepen our understanding and connections with people.

Factors Influencing Compatibility

Compatibility in a relationship, of course, goes beyond personality types.

Several factors determine how compatible any two people are in a relationship.

Shared Values

Shared values are high on this list.

Attraction

Another thing is attractionwhether its physical or intellectual, saysDr.

Rostislav Ignatov,a board-certified psychiatrist and Chief Medical Officer at The Haven Detox.

Similarly, intellectual compatibility can lead to stimulating conversations and a shared interest in learning from each other.

Communication

One of the biggest reasons many relationships fail is because of poor communication.

Different personalities often have very distinct ways of expressing themselves and processing information.

Some might be direct, while others prefer to be more nuanced.

Understanding and adapting to each otherscommunication stylescan nip many fights in the bud.

Some people need frequent affirmations and physical affection.

They usually want to see and feel how much you love them.

For others, while affirmations may go unnoticed, acts of service mean the world to them.

Its about learning what makes your partner feel loved and appreciated and consistently meeting those needs.

What really matters to each of you?

Do you want to get married, have kids, or move countries?

Next, look at how you communicate.

Do you feel heard and understood after talking to your partner?

Do they feel heard?

Any relationship is doomed to fail without effective and empathetic communication.

In an argument, focus on what your partner is saying without planning your response.

Its important to observe how you and your partner handle conflicts, disagreements, and difficult conversations.

Do you listen to each others perspectives?

Are you both willing to compromise and find a solution together?

Or are you constantly at odds andstruggling to communicate effectively?

Finally, consider your lifestyle and emotional needs.

Are you both morning people, or does one of you love late nights?

Do you show love through words, touch, or actions?

Talk about your preferences exhaustively to find a balance that works for both of you.

Our feelings towards someone can be a good and strong indicator of compatibility, says Dr. Ignatov.

Communication is already essential in the average relationship; its doubly so when you have differing personalities.

Remember to keep the conversations open and honest, listen to understand, and not react.

Use I statements to express your thoughts without sounding accusatory when in doubt.

Active listening is a very effective communication tool, especially when navigating conflicts.

Its when we truly listen to understand rather than listening to respond.

You really make the effort to put yourself in your partners shoes and see things from their perspective.

This can help bridge the gap between different personality types and create a deeper understanding and connection.

However, you shouldnt sacrifice yourself and your well-being to make space for others.

Set clear boundaries about the things that matter the most to you.

Maybe you need quiet time after work, or your partner needs a heads-up before social events.

Respecting each others needs helps reduce friction.

What This Means For You

Remember, no one is entirely incompatible with anyone.

As you navigate your differences, dont forget to acknowledge all of your common ground.

Whats important is how you feel about your partner and how dedicated you both are to the relationship.

Woods RA, Hill PB.Myers brigg.In: StatPearls.

StatPearls Publishing; 2024.

36(1):54-58.