Maybe everything was perfect but you just didn’t not feel that initial spark!
Lucky for you I have some thoughts on the matter.
Let me break this down.
I have found people who ignite a strong spark orchemistrytend to activate insecurities within our attachment system.
They might possess qualities that resemble our caretakers and have the potential to reignite unhealthy relational patterns.
It can be hard to disentangle genuine connections when ourattachment woundsare triggered.
I’ve learned it’s important to rewire your brainnotto heed these elusive sparks of chemistry.
I urge my patients to remember that dating is a skill just like interviewing.
This means first impressions stop being such a big deal.
Know What Your “Musts” Are
Consider your past relationships and first dates that went well.
What are the details that ended up mattering most?
It is important to be compassionate and understanding in these instances.
Did they stumble over their words because they were nervous?
Did they show up a couple of minutes late because they couldn’t decide on an outfit?
There are many wonderful relationships that blossomed over a longer period of time.
This is commonly used to speed up the relationship and to overshadowred flags.
It is also notable when the person unloads deep trauma or overly personal details.
Their ex may occupy space in their mind and they are still working through itinadvertently with you.
Additionally, the way they talk about their ex is important.
Overly negative and critical recounts of their partner are red flags.
Relationships are co-constructed, so anybreakuptypically has two liable parties.
Relationships are not black and white and both people are usually accountable for the outcome.
Ultimately, more information is always better than being left with doubt about what could have been.
