There are times when it’s fine to not forgive someone.
It’s also important to understand what it means to forgive someone as well as what forgiveness is not.
Most people learn about forgiveness early in life.
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When you were a child, maybe a friend was mean to you.
Theysaid they were sorry, and you easily forgave them and went back to playing together.
But later in life, forgiveness can be more complex.
As adults, we may struggle to forgive others and let go when they have hurt us.
What Is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness can be hard to define, but many great minds have tried.
Step 9 is making amends.
When you have truly forgiven someone, you have freed yourself from negative emotions.
You should also know that forgiveness is a choice that you make.
Its not something that you should feel pressured into doing.
Your decision to forgive someone does not depend on their future actions.
You cannot control what someone else will do in the future.
You canset boundariesto protect yourself from the recurrence of their past behaviors.
Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation
Forgiving someone is not the same as reconciling with them.
you could forgive someone without making up and rebuilding a relationship with them.
In the first definition, you could be setting yourself up for more stress and hurt.
In the second, you are considering your mental health and making a decision that supports your well-being.
This quote from Huie highlights the rewards of forgiveness.
Forgiving someone does not mean that you’re condoning their actions.
Do not feel pressured to do something that you don’t want to do.
There are situations when its OK not to forgive someone.
One study followed a group of 332 adults over five weeks to look at the benefits of forgiveness.
The participants reported their levels of perceived stress as well as their mental and physical health symptoms.
Another study looked at the link between psychological stress, well-being, and forgiveness in 148 young adults.
People can carry these skills over into friendships and relationships with family members, too.
In the second phase, you decide to forgive.
In the final phase, you forgive.
The words you choose will be personal and between you and the other person.
But they should be genuine and clear.
The benefits of forgiveness favor the person who is forgiving more than the person being forgiven.
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Hazeldon Betty Ford Foundation.Making amends in recovery.
UC Berkeley.What is forgiveness?.
Healthy Humans Project.What forgiveness is not.
VanderWeele TJ.Is Forgiveness a public health issue?.Am J Public Health.
2018;108(2):189-190. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2017.304210
University of Kansas.Section 4: Forgiveness and reconciliation.
Huie JL.Forgiveness quotes and sayings - quotes about forgiveness.
APA.Forgiveness can improve mental and physical health.
In: Toussaint L, Williams D, eds.Forgiveness and Health.
Springer, Dordrecht; 2015. doi:10.1007/978-94-017-9993-5_6
UC Berkeley.Eight keys to forgiveness.
Stanford.8 tips for forgiving someone who hurt you.
