An estimated one in four U.S. kids will live in a stepfamily by 2040, continuing a decades-long trend.
The Importance of Respecting Boundaries
A stepparent typically hopes to establish a bond with their stepchild quickly.
D., a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University in New York City.
Maskot / Getty Images
Sabrina Romanoff, Psy.
Children often feel a sense of loss and mourning for the family they had, says Romanoff.
Common Overstepping Scenarios
Emotional boundaries are invisible and can be difficult to understand or anticipate.
Even stepparents with the best of intentions can cross these lines inadvertently.
Here are a few situations in which this might occur.
For example, a stepparent might ask the child to call them “Mom” or “Dad.”
This can also happen if the childs parent is no longer involved or available.
The child might resent the stepparent trying to slip into the absent parent’s role.
This is particularly likely if the child perceives dismissiveness on the part of the stepparent.
Coming Between Their Partner and the Child
A stepparent gets between their partner and the stepchild.
The Impact of Stepparents Overstepping Boundaries
Children frequently struggle to define or articulate their boundaries.
However, crossing them can have a severe impact on children’s mental health nonetheless.
When their boundaries are violated, children tend to feel isolated, controlled, and in turn, angry.
How Stepparents Can Avoid Overstepping Boundaries
Here are a few strategies to avoid overstepping boundaries.
Try taking things slowly.
Make an effort to understand the childs perspective and be respectful of their process.
Patience and pacing can help develop trust and an emotional connection.
2018;57(1):25-51. doi:10.1111/famp.12321
U.S. Census Bureau.Americas Families and Living Arrangements: 2022.
2020;82(2):639-656. doi:10.1111/jomf.12599
Nemours Foundation.Becoming a stepparent.
Jensen TM, Lippold MA.Patterns of stepfamily relationship quality and adolescents short-term and long-term adjustment.J Fam Psychol.
2018;32(8):1130-1141. doi:10.1037/fam0000442
