Ever spiral over a K text?
He was movie-star handsome, ridiculously smart, and one of the mostemotionally unavailablemen Ive ever dated.
Spoiler: it didnt end well.
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In fact, it barely started at all.
Thats how disconnected we were!
While I was workshopping every word I sent, he was quietly committing to somebody else.
Knowing what I know now, ourtexting styleswereattachment theoryin action.
Classic to an avoidant attachment style, he planned perfect dates but then would ghost me afterward.
We both weren’t secure enough to solidify our connection into something real.
How we do one thing is how we do many things.
Lets explore what our texting style says about our attachment and how they shape our connection with others.
Plus, what we can do to shift the conversation.
Texting Styles And Attachment Patterns
Attachment stylesare developed based on ourearly childhood experiences.
Our interactions with our caregivers shape how we move in intimate relationships.
Anxious Attachment
What It Looks Like
Hey, checking if you saw my message!
Did you get to the hotel OK?
I checked your flight and saw you landed but I havent heard from you yet.
Just wanted to confirm youre safe.
Text me when you settle in!
You may also screenshot the message to your friends and ask for help reading between the lines.
Theres a sense of urgency, even desperation.
Remember that your well-being and self-worth are not determined by the speed or content of anyone’s reply.
you could also communicate your anxieties around texting and collaborate on mutually supportive ways to proceed.
In the meantime, channel your energy back into your life.
Connect with your friends, practice mindfulness, and engage with other passions to fill your own cup.
Avoidant Attachment
Sorry, been busy with work.
How’s your day going?"
Most likely sent after a few days of leaving your texts on read.
Friendly, polite, but slightly removed.
Theres a feeling that theyrewalking on eggshells, uncertain about how much connection is welcome.
Avoidant texters rarely initiate and delay their response because theyre focused on their own life.
Emotional depth is usually avoided due to discomfort with vulnerability.
Avoidant attached texters may fear intimacy and infrequently text to maintain distance.
They may also have a need for control and accomplish this by determining the frequency and depth of texting.
If youre an avoidant texter,set healthy boundariesearly on.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment:
Erratic and confusing.
The receiver might feel like its hard to pin down exactly whats going on.
The texting relationship might be filled with ups and downs, hot and cold behavior, and mixed messages.
Swinging between extreme intimacy and hermiting can feel overwhelming for everyone involved.
From there, instead of acting impulsively, you could practice choosing a more conscientious response.
Lets catch up tonight when youre free.
Call me when you get out of work!
Because of these characteristics, it can feel safe and easy for the receiver to engage and text with.
Secure texters feel regulated in the face of intimacy.
They arent looking for validation with responses, so they put their cards on the table.
If youre a secure texter, keep leading with confidence.
A secure attachment style is the foundation of a healthy relationship!)
When done with intention, mindfulness, and care, we can have strong and meaningful connections with others.
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2024;19(12):e0308880.
