Its easier to walk away before youfall in love.
“Theres really no middle ground here,” says Chlipala.
“Youd be wasting your time and are better off finding someone with similar goals.”
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That said, it is definitley common for couples to delay the hard conversations required to address the problem.
In addition, a therapist can help mediate these issues.
They just don’t want to and have no reason in particular.
No explanation or justification is needed for such a personal life decision.
It can be helpful to explore each person’s level of assuredness.
Instead of askingwhyyour partner doesn’t want kids, talk abouthowthey arrived at their decision.
A question like “How did you arrive at this decision?”
or “What shifted you to this choice at this time?”
is less argumentative and allows you to explore the issue with kindness, curiosity, and compassion.
To avoid this future resentment, she advises couples to talk explicitly abouttheir non-negotiables early on in the relationship.
Then, some compromises can be made on both sides.
This will require attention and care if the couple decides to move forward together with this new information.
Try babysitting any nieces and nephews for a weekend.
She notes that doing this may help you figure out if you want to be a parent.
Being the fun aunt/uncle is a very different role and experience than being the responsible father/mother.
“Address fears and have an action plan for each fear if applicable.
This will also let you know if you and your partner have similar ideas.”
Gustafsson, S. (2005).
Having Kids Later.Economic Analyses for Industrialized Countries.Review of Economics of the Household,3, 516.
