Verywell / JR Bee
There are times when our partner will be upset with us.
Maybe we know why, or we might have no clue what we did to hurt them.
hey note that this article is not about the hurt caused byemotional or physical abuse.
Verywell / JR Bee
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
All they want is to feel understood, accepted, and cared forlike we really get them.
If we’re not clear on what we said or did that was hurtful, just ask.
These statements shift the responsibility from us to our partner.
Instead, we need to take responsibility for the hurtful things we said or did.
Offering an excuse for what we did means that we aren’t taking responsibility.
Instead, it’s meant to deflect the blame to someone or something else.
This gives our partner more background that helps explain our actions or responses without trying to justify them.
In the meantime, it’s helpful to think carefully about what we can do to make things right.
Token gestures,empty promises, and insincere apologies can do more harm than good.
We may not know what to do to make things better with our partner, and that’s okay.
It can also be difficult to put ourselves in our partner’s shoes.
One approach is to have a go at see the situation from our partner’s perspective.
This is referred to ascognitive reframing.
This begins by recognizing what we said or did to upset our partner and storing it away.
Taking steps to get to know and understand them better can strengthen our relationship.
Getting professional help could be the next best step if our partner is still hurt over what happened.
It can be difficult to heal a relationship after major hurts have occurred.
If we feel stuck in our efforts to repair the damage, we may want to considercouples counseling.
Couples counseling can be very effective,especially if couples seek it out sooner rather than later.
A counselor can help us identify destructive patterns and teach us how to communicate more effectively.
Counseling can also give us insight into our partners feelings and concerns.
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