Are you bored…or just comfortable?
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Every relationship has its ups and downs.
Theearly stagesare often marked by intense and passionateemotionsthat gradually temper with time.
Johnce / Getty Images
You might find yourself wondering if you’re just comfortable or if you might be bored in your relationship.
Your relationship might be mostly free ofconflict.
But you still might find yourself feeling unsatisfied, tired, or just plain uninspired.
There’s a natural ebb and flow between periods of excitement and calm.
After all, it’s important to feel secure and safe with your partner.
It’s when boredom signifies stagnation or lack of growth that it becomes a problem.
Recap
A boring relationship is often characterized by a loss of interest, affection, and attention.
Being comfortable in your relationship is a good thingbut boredom can signify that things need to change.
You craved their presence.
Just being near them was exciting.
However, the intensity of those initial feelings often wanes over time.
Instead of powerful passion, your relationship develops an increased sense of closeness, trust, andintimacy.
Passionate and Compassionate Love
Feelings of excitement and ardor are hallmarks of passionate love.
That is why it’s callednew relationship energy.
It’s exciting and energizing because it’s so fresh and new.
There’s a steady stream of new information to take in about your partner.
You’re still learning about all their great qualities, and you tend not to notice potentialyelloworred flags.
When you are in the midst of passionate love, you also tend to idealize your partner.
Their habits and quirks are endearing, and you tend to overlook their shortcomings.
Compassionate love is more profoundmuch more intimate.
It is marked by commitment,trust, andaffection.
People who have reached this stage of their relationship care deeply and understand and support each other.
But this doesn’t mean thatlong-term relationshipshave to be boring or lack in passion.
The strongest relationships strike a balance between the excitement of passionate love and the intimacy of compassionate love.
A number of other problems might sap the excitement out of a romantic relationship.
It can leave you feeling less satisfied with your relationship but also less happy in your life in general.
More than that, boredom can just be really hard to deal with.
Change Your Routines
Feeling bored in your relationship may be a reflection of being bored in general.
One way to change this is to shake up your everyday routines.
Instead of eating at the same places, consider going somewhere new as a couple.
Find a new hobby that the two of you’re able to try together.
Or even look for ways that you’re able to spice things up in the bedroom.
Self-expanding activitiesor those that are novel, arousing, and positivetend to offer the most significant benefits.
You might make it more exciting by surprising one another.
Buy tickets to see your partners favorite game or suggest aspontaneous adventurethat youve been thinking about.
The key is to find time for one another to focus on your relationship without other pressures or distractions.
One study found that people who hadcouples therapyreported improvements in communication and relationship satisfaction and better intimacy and responsiveness.
Talk to a healthcare professional if you are concerned that your feelings might be more than regular boredom.
Feeling bored in a relationship doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed.
Spending time together, changing your thoughts, and trying new things are strategies that can help.
Is the Relationship Worth Saving?
Just because the initial excitement of your relationship begins to dwindle does not mean that love fades or lessens.
When it comes to relationships, you might be motivated to reduce boredom in a variety of ways.
Suppose you decide that your relationship is worth saving.
Calling it quits once you recognize that a relationship is not suitable for you is often the best choice.
Takeaways
It isn’t unusual for relationships to get boring from time to time.
Sometimes, it can actually be a good thing.
It’s a sign that you’re gonna wanna reinvigorate the relationship.
At other times, boredome can be a sign of something more serious.
The key to addressing it is to open up a line of communication with your partner.
Be open and honest about how you feel.
Ultimately, remember that relationships aren’t always effortless.
They take workeven when it comes to keeping the spark alive.
There’s no single, simple solution that is right for every couple.
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Accuracy and bias in couples' perceptions of relational boredom.J Soc Pers Relat.
The effects of relational boredom on shared activities.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
