But when it comes to relationships, is that really the case?
Most psychologists indicate that it depends on the situation.
Silence vs. Silent Treatment
There are times in relationships when being silent is acceptable and even productive.
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Staying silent during an abusive situation is not an example of the silent treatment.
It may very well be self-preservation.
People use the silent treatment to control the situation or conversation.
They also use it as a tool to avoid taking responsibility or to admit wrongdoing.
Silent treatment is a flat-out refusal to ever discuss the issuenow or later.
In other words, their silence deflects the conversation and communicates that the issue is off-limits.
There is no opportunity to address the issue, to compromise, or to understand their partner’s position.
Consequently, they are often left feeling hurt, unloved, dissatisfied, and confused.
What’s more, this issue will not go away simply because one partner refuses to discuss it.
It will continue to fester and eat away at the relationship.
Eventually, these festering issues can become too much and may even lead to divorce.
They may refuse to talk to you or even acknowledge your presence.
Sometimes though, silence evolves into the silent treatment and becomes a pattern of destructive behavior.
When this happens, it becomes a control tactic that isemotionally abusive.
What’s more, the silent person has successfully flipped the situation.
The conversation is now about appeasing them and not about the issue at hand.
And when this pattern of behavior happens on a regular basis, this is both toxic and abusive.
Meanwhile, in non-abusive relationships, the silent treatment is often referred to as demand-withdraw interactions.
In these situations, one partner makes demands while the other partner withdraws or becomes silent.
Although these interactions may appear similar to the silent treatment, the motives are different.
While not considered abusive, both approachesthe demanding and the withdrawingcan damage the relationship.
Additionally, research shows that couples engaged in demand-withdrawal patterns are more dissatisfied with their relationship.
They also experience less intimacy and poorer communication.
Using “I” statements rather than saying “you” is usually more effective and less threatening.
Starting a sentence with “you” almost immediately puts people on the defensive.
Couples counselingmight be beneficial if you have trouble breaking this pattern of communication in your relationship.
Avoid inventing ways to get your partner to talk with you or acknowledge you.
An experienced therapist can help you navigate the situation safely and make the decision that is right for you.
Find out which option is the best for you.
Your partner’s silence is not your faultno matter what you’re told.
If you need help, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for guidance and support.
They also provide an online chat option that is available 24 hours a day.
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.
2009;16(2):285-300.
