He enjoys having lots of friends whereas I prefer a few close ones.
According to TikTok, hes thegolden retrievertrope to my black cat persona.
I wanted to learn more about this dynamic so I reached out to some experts and dug in deeper.
Michela Buttignol / Verywell Mind / Stocksy
What is the black cat girlfriend theory?
Liz Hughes, MEd, LPCC
Think yin and yang.
These opposites can be complementary and bring out the best in each other.
They would highlight the contrast between this persona and the more outgoing and affectionate golden retriever boyfriend.
Think yin and yang.
These opposites can be complementary and bring out the best in each other.
This can describe both romantic relationships and platonic friendships.
For instance, the golden retriever friend is the one who is constantly messaging the group to meet up.
The black cat friend is the one who wont even respond until you show up at their door.
I self-reflected on how I behave and compared my personality traits to his.
These descriptors are more surface-level generalizations.
The distinct opposite nature of these twopersonality stylescreates tension in the relationship.
There are benefits and challenges to this dynamic.
Benefits
Hughes explained that we can benefit from our partners who have strengths different from ours.
This can lead to a strong connection and mutual respect for valuing each others differences.
A recurring theme of our fights is how different my husband and I communicate.
Then I say what I mean and mean what I say.Extrovertstend to speak abstractly whereas introverts talk concretely.
But the most challenging aspect is that hes not mindful of who is around when hes talking.
Im responsible for the overwhelming task of planning the kid’s extracurriculars.
I asked him which day he preferred.
He debated out loud, complaining about horrible traffic during both times.
This upset me because I perceived that he was ungrateful for my efforts.
Why couldnt he keep those thoughts in his head or consider who he is speaking to?
Weve been together for so long that we immediately recognized the issue.
He knew it was about hiscommunicationstyle and how it impacted my emotional needs.
As with any trend and stereotype, labels never paint the full picture of how relationships work.
There are days when my husband prefers to stay home and I want to go out to a party.
In certain social situations, Im moretrustingand friendly whereas hes more guarded and closed up.
Our dynamic is constantly evolving over the 10-plus years weve been together.
Weve moved a couple of times, switched careers and had a couple of kids.
Its not healthy to generalize your relationship where each partners roles stay static.
Oh, and you probably shouldnt take relationship advice from a 15-second TikTok video.
Beukeboom CJ, Tanis M, Vermeulen IE.
The Language of Extraversion.Journal of Language and Social Psychology.
2012;32(2):191201. doi:https://doi.org/10.1177/0261927x12460844
