He was a totalnarcissistbut was he?
What does that really mean?
So what exactly does narcissism look like in the context of a relationship?
Verywell / Alison Czinkota
And if you are in fact dating a narcissist, how should you handle the situation?
They also are likely to be exploitative in relationships, saysSabrina Romanoff, PsyD.
He literally couldnt relate an experience of empathy that helped him grasp the definition of empathy.
His behaviors are manipulative and self-serving.
How Does Narcissism Manifest in Relationships?
One of the most common earlyindicators of narcissismis whats known as thelove-bombingphase.
Anna, 28, describes her experience, In the beginning, he treated me like an absolute queen.
and he was very generous.
These behaviors are common.
Its also very likely theyll say “I love you” way too early.
Unfortunately, this period of false euphoria is usually short-lived.
Youll be left wondering where the kind, adoring person you were falling in love with has gone.
But as I was to find out later, S had a very dark side.
He had a special pillow that he used.
This night, his housekeeper had inadvertently switched the pillows, so ‘his’ pillow was on my side.
I didn’t notice, but when he did, he flipped out.
Unfortunately, even the best attempts at remedying conflict with a narcissist are often unsuccessful.
He looked at me like I had just sprouted two heads.
Anna, 28
In the beginning, he treated me like an absolute queen.
and he was very generous.
Dating someone with NPD will often have you questioning your reality, feelings, and behaviors.
They are observed to make exaggerated self-appraisalseither overly inflated or deflated.
The core feature is that they tend to fluctuate between extremes of an extravagant or dispirited sense of self.
They may have extremely high standards which function by enabling them to maintain an extraordinary sense of self.
On the other hand, they might maintain exceptionally low standards which reflect entitlement and privilege.
Conversely, at other times, they can be extremely attuned to the reactions other people have towards them.
They use these reactions to gauge their sense of self and value based on how others are perceiving them.
They may also do this through either overt or covert grandiose behavior.
This behavior is rude but doesnt go as far as a narcissist who is love-bombing with an agenda.
Romanoff also notes that pathological narcissism should not be conflated with healthy narcissism.
It is important for us to nurture our healthy narcissistic needs.
These include self-esteem, worthiness, and well-beingall of which fuel creativity, humor, and self-worth.
American Psychiatric Association.DSM-IV and DSM-5 criteria for the personality disorders.
McLean J.Psychotherapy with a narcissistic patient using Kohut’s self psychology model.Psychiatry.
2007;4(10):40-47.
