A true trauma bond is created due to acycle of abuseand positive reinforcement.
Trauma bonding is one reason that leaving an abusive situation can feel confusing and overwhelming.
So, what are signs of trauma bonding?
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They include the following:
Stages
You may have heard of the seven stages of trauma bonding.
Though each trauma bond is unique, they often involve a version of the common patterns listed below.
Psychologists note that narcissists and sociopaths may engage in love bombing to gain the other person’s trust.
Gaining Trust
An abuser may perform specific actions to be considered trustworthy.
If you doubt their trustworthiness, they may become offended that you would doubt them in the first place.
In many cases, the victim comes to believe they deserve the criticismeven when they’ve done nothing wrong.
Manipulating the Victim
Abusers defend their own behavior by manipulating their victims.
They may even convince the victim that the abuse is normal and there’s nothing wrong with it.
They acquiesce to what the abuser wants.
Thefawn responseis often referred to as people-pleasing.
However, it’s also a coping mechanism for survival.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor.
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
The Cycle Repeats
Unfortunately, the cycle of abuse is characterized by its repetition.
The victim may make excuses for the abuser’s behavior.
Things may seem like they’re returning to “normal,” until another incident of abuse occurs.
The cycle of abuse can be broken.
What Causes It?
Trauma bonds are nothing to be ashamed of, as they result from our brains looking for survival methods.
Also referred to as paradoxical attachment,this phenomenon can occur due to a wide variety of situations.
The bond forms out of the basic human need for attachment as a means of survival.
From there, an abuse victim may become dependent on their abuser.
That can lead to continued abuse at best, and death at worst.
One study noted that the impact on self-esteem continued even six months after the separation from the abuser.
Additionally, the after-effects of trauma bonding can include depression and anxiety.
Experiencing trauma bonding may also increase the likelihood of an intergenerational cycle of abuse.
This makes it even more difficult to break the bond.
“The first step in healing from trauma bonding is naming it.
This involves having somewhere safe to go with support.
You don’t need to figure it out all on your own.
Therapy
Therapyis an incredible tool for helping people move past trauma.
Positive Self-Talk and Care
One significant impact of abusive situations is that they canlower your self-esteem.
Additionally, making a point to be kind to yourself through acts of self-care can also facilitate your healing.
In these situations, communing with others who have also gone through something similar can be very helpful.
It can help you feel less alone and make you feel less shame for having been abused.
History of Trauma Bonding
The term trauma bonding was coined byPatrick Carnes, PhD, CASin 1997.
Before the term trauma bonding, the only term for emotional attachments in abusive situations wasStockholm syndrome.
This is nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilt towards.
It’s a natural response to trauma, and there is help available for you.
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