Who you grow up with shapes who you are

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Family can be a complicated word.

Your family of origin is the family you were born into.

The Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy defines it as, the family in which a person was raised.

Young family sitting on the floor of their living room smiling for a photo

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We absorb these behaviors and they follow us into adulthood.

Sometimes it’s helpful, and sometimes it’s not.

Even from a young child, we’re constantly getting messages because our parents are often our first teachers.

On Internalized Messaging

While some internalized messages can be helpful, some can also be harmful.

Avigail Lev, PsyDsays that the negative things we learn from these family members can also stick.

Whats the Difference Between Family of Origin, Family of Orientation, and Chosen Family?

“In therapy we call it the miracle question.

Describe it to me.

“What are your motives for wanting to have that relationship?

Crystal Britt, LCSW

In therapy we call it the miracle question.

Describe it to me.

If they come from a family that’s not affirming.

Especially with the neurodivergent community spelling out: How would you know you had a best friend?

They learn to expect mistreatment, so when they’re exposed to something differentit feels strange.

You might say something like, Actually, no, that’s not where I’m at.

My goal is not about forgiveness right now.

DeCore AK, Focht K.Family of Origin.

In: Lebow JL, Chambers AL, Breunlin DC.

(eds) Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy.