We have certain expectations of trust and closeness toward family members.

It can be more than merely disappointing to realize that this may not be possible with all family members.

Such conflicts are painful and can make it more difficult to trust.

upset women sitting on opposite sides of couch

Rob Lewine/Creative RF/Getty Images

If you are struggling with how to deal with such situations, focus on staying polite.

Why Dealing With Family Conflict Is So Stressful

Unresolvedfamily conflictsbring additional stress, particularly at family gatherings.

Past unresolved conflicts can become the elephant in the room, felt by everyone but not directly addressed.

Family is often a source of support but can also be a source of distress.

Research has found that intrusive or controlling family relationships can lead to stress and resentment.

Also, references or reminders of past conflicts can sting and create new pain.

Bringing up old hurts to resolve them can often backfire.

At the same time, avoiding the issue altogether butholding onto resentmentcan poison feelings in the present.

It’s probably a good idea to try toforgivethe other person and let it go.

Forgiving past hurts can be challenging, but research suggests it can play an important role in mental health.

Research suggests it can reduce anxiety, depression, and stress.

Cutting off contact with a family member can be tough, but sometimes it’s necessary.

Research has shown that for many, it can be the right choice.

Be polite in family meetings, but maintain your boundaries.

In: Ogolsky BG, Monk JK, eds.Relationship Maintenance: Theory, Process, and Context.

Advances in Personal Relationships.

2017;9(4):521-536. doi:10.1111/jftr.12216