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What Does It Mean to Have Shame?
People who experience shame usually attempt to hide the thing they feel ashamed of.
When shame is chronic, it can involve the feeling that you are fundamentally flawed.
Jasmin Merdan / Getty Images
Shame can often be hard to identify in oneself.
While shame is anegative emotion, its origins play a part in our survival as a species.
Since we want to be accepted, shame is an evolutionary tool that keeps us all in check.
When Does Shame Become Harmful?
This inner critic might tell you thatyou are a bad person, worthless, or have no value.
Other common concepts that overlap with shame includeembarrassment, humiliation, andguilt.
However, these different terms have nuances in meaning that are important to know to better understand shame.
What Are the Symptoms of Shame?
Are you wondering whether you might be experiencing shame?
The hot response is usually animpulsive reaction.
Concealing yourself is a method of self-protection.
People who have a tendency toward being emotional oravoiding conflictmay be more likely to engage in safety behaviors.
Below are some to consider.
It usually passes quickly and doesn’t create problems in your life.
This jot down of shame can impair your functioning and mental health.
Often, this is felt when something happens in front of other people.
Defeat
We might feel shame whenexperiencing failureor defeat.
Or you might feel shame when you didn’t get a promotion at work.
This form of shame is linked to the feeling of humiliation.
Performance Shame
Feeling self-conscious about ones performance is another jot down of shame.
This tends to show up whenpublic speaking, as well as during musical and athletic performances.
Shame About the Self
Feeling as though you are aninferior personcan lead to shame about the self.
This is a chronic key in of shame with long-lasting effects.
Unrequited Love
Shame that results fromunrequited loveis another throw in of shame.
This is a feeling of not being good enough for another person.
Unwanted Exposure
Public humiliation involves unwanted exposure and makes up another key in of shame.
An example would be making a mistake in public and having someone point it out.
This is closely linked to shame about defeat.
This jot down is also common in social anxiety.
Exclusion and shame often co-occur in people with obesity due tosocial stigmaand weight bias.
Internalized Shame
Internalized shame refers to shame that has been turned inward.
Toxic shame is part of your core identity rather than a transient state.
Healthy Shame
Finally, healthy shame can also exist.
Causes of Shame
Are you wondering about what causes shame?
In addition, sometimes mental health concerns can create shame in and of themselves.
However, when it becomes extreme, it becomes a problem.
You feel shame, which causes you to engage in behaviors that can lead to more feelings of shame.
While shame is often confused with guilt, they are actually two separate things.
While guilt is about wrong actions, shame is about being wrong as a person.
Coping With Shame
Are you wondering how to feel less shame?
There are three main steps to healing your shame.
The first is exploring your shame instead of avoiding it.
The second is embracing your shame, and the third is achieving acceptance.
Below we examine each of these steps.
One way to recognize your shame is to start paying attention to your emotions in different situations.
When are your feelings of shame triggered?
And when you feel shame, how do you react or how do you feel differently?
If you arent sure, trywriting in a journalabout your feelings of shame.
Write down any feelings or thoughts you have and how you reacted to that past situation.
Next, spend some time examining how past shame still influences you today in terms of current shame.
What did past situations teach you about yourself?
It’s natural to want to put up defenses and barriers when doing this work.
You need asafe placeto belong and a group that will shower you with unconditional love.
This is the time to start rejecting the old beliefs that there is something inherently wrong with you.
Instead, accept your new reality that you are acceptable and lovable just as you are.
You will also be accepting the fact that you may make mistakes and that is okay.
Shame does not need to continue to be what determines how you view yourself.
You dont need to change yourself or your character to be a worthwhile person.
Once you accept yourself, you will feel less shame and be able to move forward.
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