Grudges also often feature persistentruminationabout the person and/or incident at the center of your ill-will.
You might be intentionally holding a grudge, but sometimes you aren’t even aware of it.
Sometimes, holding grudgesandblaming othersmay be a form ofself-protection.
Verywell / Nez Riaz
Lasting bitterness can grow from a variety of issueslarge and smallas well.
Holding grudges is sometimes related to people’s automatic negative thoughts andcognitive distortions.
Is Holding a Grudge Harmful?
Essentially, holding a grudge isn’t good for you.
It ensnares you in anger and makes you prone to persistent rumination rather thanmoving forward with your life.
The grudge doesn’t solve your problem and is highly unlikely to make you feel any better.
Mental Health Effects
Grudge-holding can adversely impact your mental health in a variety of ways.
And a focus on negativity can dampen your overall well-being.
And sadly, this is a self-inflicted wound that will likely just make you feel worse.
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
Excess anger has also been shown to adversely impact cognition and executive function.
In fact, one study found decision-making skills to become impaired in those with high levels of anger.
Memory and perception of reality may also be negatively associated with holding grudges as well.
Social Effects
Holding grudges can have a big impact on your social life as well.
Also, if you have children, understand that you’re modeling this behavior.
Thisanger quizwas medically reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS.
Often, people hold grudges when they feel someone has let them down.
Holding a Grudge vs.
In contrast, holding a grudge entails the oppositenot letting go or accepting a resolution of any kind.
Another strategy is to notice if you feel better or worse after thinking or talking about what happened.
If it’s the latter then you may be processing your feelings in a productive way.
Think about if you believe they would think your reaction was justified or an overreaction.
Consider that your worst suspicions may not be entirely accurate.
In fact, often someone else’s negative actions aren’t about you at all.
Maybe they were just having a really bad day.
Rushing to forgiveness or avoiding dealing with uncomfortable situations aren’t good solutions either.
Just don’t let your methods of coping with the upsetting incident become a long-lasting state of being.
Rather, aim to work through the issue, resolve it, and move on.
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