Think about the first time (or even a recent time) you posted something on Instagram.
Perhaps it was a selfie in a cute new outfit that you finally mustered up the courage to post.
Perhaps it was a photo of your diploma that you proudly received last weekend.
Verywell / Julie Bang
Or maybe it was a photo of your perfectly risen homemade sourdough loaf.
Sure, we might brush it off and tell ourselves, Whatever, who needs likes anyway."
We feel a small blow to the ego, but a blow nonetheless.
Now, lets rewind back time a bit, back to when we were 12 years old.
The only difference is were already living in the age of social media.
Now, imagine that exact same scenario playing out.
That blow we felt earlier hits a little harder, leaving a longer-lasting imprint on our self-esteem.
Welcome to the next generation of kids and teens.
Thats where Get Media Savvy comes in.
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
This interview has been edited for clarity and length.
Minaa B.: Thank you for being a part of the show today.
Can you tell us about what [Get Media Savvy] is and what made you start this initiative?
Julie Scelfo: Absolutely.
And that’s really troubling to get to that level of mental health problems.
I realized there needs to be big cultural changes.
Minaa B.: Can you speak to what exactly is happening where 10-year-olds are dying by suicide?
So, we need to be careful when we talk about suicide.
Thecause of a suicideis never just one thing.
So, I don’t want people to be alarmed.
It’s certainly not the case that social media alone is causing these suicides.
But one of the things that is very easy to forget is that social media is completely unregulated.
There are no federal regulations limiting what can be on the platforms.
The product manufacturers have done, frankly, a really lousy job of providing parental controls that work.
It doesn’t feel good.
It can really begin to affect your feelings about yourself.
And now, you know, a lot of parents are just relying on technology to entertain their children.
And so, how is technology honestly impacting childhood development?
So I wanna start by saying, this is not my opinion.
What the research tells us is, it has been very clear for a very long time.
Or actually I’ve read one report that suggested it’s worse than feudal times.
They’re not able to tend to their children, or give them the attention that they deserve.
In the home, it takes children away from interacting with their parents and siblings.
But it does make things a little easier for teachers and administrators.
There’s this false reward.
You know, there is no parenting mistake that I personally haven’t made.
They were literally training their children to smile and be photographed every day at school drop-off.
You know, before that we only took pictures on special occasions and suddenly children were being photographed constantly.
My third son, who’s now a teenager, is growing up in a world of TikTok.
He also goes on YouTube, which now is running shorter and shorter videos.
The situation is not actually hopeless, though.
That sounds really wild and crazy, right?
You know, he worked late into the night.
And so my children only got to see him for one hour before they went to school.
Children do what their parents do, not what they say.
My husband and I both read for a living.
So we’re very careful to still get print subscriptions to have times that are just for books.
It’s not about being online and just connecting.
Minaa B.: We see a lot of parents creating accounts for their children at a very young age.
It’s not about being online… and just connecting.
But I actually disagree.
I do not post pictures of my children publicly.
I love keeping up with my friends who live on a different coast.
But to instead make a private email group, um, share that in a private chat.
And as we all say, children can’t really consent to having an Instagram profile.
You know, it’s their parent who is making it.
And so it’s really interesting hearing this information, and I do hope it’s really helpful.
You know, being a human is hard, human-ing is hard.
They realize that their child is constantly glued to their phone.
They’re always on social media.
Every time they engage on social media, it clearly impacts their confidence, it impacts their self-esteem.
And now you’re like, “Well, everybody in school has an Instagram platform.
And so that is even triggersome for some children.
And many of the experts I talked to actually think that we should wait even longer.
I made my kids wait until they were 12 to get a phone.
I regret that I didn’t know about Wait Until 8th.
I think that’s terrific.
I think delaying their access to social media is definitely the way to go.
Limiting their access to social media.
And also spend time with them to see what they’re seeing.
You won’t be able to see all of it.
Kids have learned how to override parent filters.
When children are very young, we want them to develop what one researcher calls broccoli brains.
And even just being out in the woods.
And when they’re on devices, it shapes their brain in just a very singular direction.
And when they get it, they’re very frustrated.
Why don’t we go out and play?
Why don’t we cook?
Why don’t we sew?”
You think they’re asleep; they’re not.
Your child is up texting at 10:00, 11:00, midnight, 1:00.
And so it’s really about setting healthy boundaries.
Is there anything you could speak to about that?
Go Old School
Scelfo: Absolutely.
You know, we are what we eat.
And that is true not only in food but of the media content that we take in.
And it’s also true of our experiences.
Whatever we do, we become, and those are habits that we continue to practice.
So one thing you could do is go old school, you know, go buy a CD.
I’m sure Ms. Rachel’s great.
I’m sure she is providing some educational benefit to kids.
Encourage Play
Minaa B.: Hmm.
Limit, limit, limit.
And really getting back into the concept of play.
Play doesn’t diminish as a child gets older.
So, you know, I’m really looking at the long horizon here.
