But does that mean their advice isnt valid?
But what do they mean and how helpful are they in reality?
Everything happens for a reason.
Verywell Mind / Getty Images
In my opinion, this phrase is at best myopic and at worst dangerous.
Sometimes, shit happens.
Sometimes,reallybad shit happens.
Is it truly helpful to think that those things were somehowsupposedto happen?
That the universe is trying to teach you a lesson?
Thinking that way can make you feel helpless or even guilty.
However, there are two sides to this coin.
The Cold Hard Truth
Having ahealthy relationshipmeans constantly growing and learningboth within yourself and with each other.
But before you serve this platitude again, think about the unintended effects it might have.
“If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.
Another similar soundbite to the everything happens for a reason.
This phrase takes away everyone’s agencyyours and your partners.
This isnt a great attitude to have in your relationship.
Relationships take work and if you have goalsgetting married, having childrenleaving things up to chance wont be helpful.
That said, this can backfire if you cant see and act on the things thatareyour responsibility.
(Accountability lesson: 101).
If youre saying this to a friend or family member, think about why you thought it would help.
But if they dont, maybe think twice about suggesting leaving things up to chance.
I believe that either way, things will work out for the best.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea.
Chances are, after a breakup, youve heard this from someone trying to make you feel better.
On a planet of eight billion people, statistically, the opportunities are endless.
However, this particular phrase can make light ofyour breakup painand dismiss the importance of the ended relationship.
It is encouraging you to immediately move on, which is usually not helpful or feasible.
True, there are other fish, but you wantedthatfish.
You also have to consider the reality that there are relatively few fish meeting your emotional and physical needs.
Not to mention if you’re even compatible with them.
Dating is not just a numbers game, though we proclaim otherwise.
Theresmore to datingthan just how many people you’re free to meet.
This is another piece of advice you might find yourself doling out without much thought.
Actions speak louder than words.
In some ways, this is very true.
Your partner tells you they want to spend time together but doesn’t make concrete plans.
They say they want exclusivity but get cagey whenever you make a run at make the relationship official.
Or, they claim to love you but consistently hurt you over and over again.
But this can be the other way around too.
Your partner mightstruggle verbally expressing their emotions, so they show their love and affection in other ways.
These actions count too.
That said, words will never not be important.
Dont discount actions or words.
As with many things in a relationship, balance is key.
If you find yourself repeating this phrase, consider why.
Have you noticed a pattern that the person youre talking to has not?
Have they told you their partner consistently says one thing but does another?
Ive noticed that X tends to promise you things but never follows throughdoes this ever upset you?
Trust your gut.
Every relationship is a learned lesson for your instincts.
All of these things are what we call gut instincts.
However, there can be times when yourgut cant be trusted.
All this to say, your gut might be unreliable because of past negative experiences or even trauma.
Your Intuition Is There for a Reason
Listen to your gut.
But also make a run at examine the situation from multiple perspectives!
If you find yourself giving this advice, it might be helpful to ask questions instead.
Learning more about this person’s past experiences can lend insight into whether their gut is reliable.
This way, you’re able to help walk them through their feelings and provide informed support.
Have you ever been through anything like this in the past?
What did you learn from that experience?
But people outside of your relationship might be able to see things you cannot.
You dont need to listen to intrusive adviceit only stresses you out and makes you feel insecure.
Ultimately, you and your partner are the experts in your own relationshipyour feelings come first.
Perhaps they recognized a pattern in you or your partners relationship that you didnt see until they mentioned it.
The best relationship advice is advice that appraises the situation and considers all involved parties.
If someone has given you relationship advice that feels scary, consider why you feel that way.
Or are you afraid because the advice could open your eyes to something new or unfamiliar in your relationship?
Something that will require more effort than you are currently giving, hmm?
If someone has given you relationship advice that feels wrong, consider that too.
Is it wrong because there is a fundamental misunderstanding of either you or your partner?
Or does itfeelwrong because it has identified a problem or challenge you previously could notor did not wantto see?
Final Thoughts
Relationship advice can be tricky.
While usually well-meaning, it can be based on a misunderstanding or misinterpretation of your relationship and its problems.
On the other hand, some relationship advice can be insightful and even very helpful.
