Dealbreaker, or no big deal?
Does he still talk to her?
Does he think of her as the one that got away?
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Does he check up on her regularly?
I had a small freak-out.
I didnt know the extent of their friendship.
I felt threatened because I was comparing myself to someone who had previously been in my position.
Simply put, it’s not a nice thing to think about.
All that saidif you’re dealing with this, is it truly a cause for concern?
We find ourselves drawn to certain people and relationships to satisfy various needs.
That doesn’t necessarily change when a relationship ends.
He said he forgot he was still following his ex and unfollowed her immediately.
Jump forward many years and weve got a couple of kids in tow.
Phew, crisis averted.
And if we ever needed to become exes, staying friends might be easier as parents.
However, others dont feel the same way.
T from Vancouver, Canada who has been married for 10 years says she isnt friends with her exes.
Tatiana Rivera Cruz, LCSW adds that individuals may decide to keep being friends with exes for different reasons.
Maintaining these interactions with ex-partners, however, can increase stress and bring confusion to the current relationship.
I trust him, and it doesnt bother or threaten me.
They are more like old friend acquaintances than real friends who see each other a lot.
For instance, they become defensive, question your concerns, inappropriately communicate or violate your boundaries.
Not addressing concerns is a red flag that provokes negative emotional energy, uncomfortable interactions and disrespect.
These red flags come from unresolved issues that remain active with both parties.
Here is some advice to start the conversation.
Approach With Empathy
Cruz advises to approach the conversation withempathy.
Create a Goal Together
Cruz recommends setting a goal together before and during the conversation.
First, identify your comfort level with their relationship.
You may decide youd like the option to be included in all communication and interaction between them.
This can help you feel more secure that their friendship wont hurt or erode your relationship.
This is where socialization and building alternative new friendships could be helpful.
