Self-sabotage happens when people hinder their own success.
While it seems surprising, some people undermine their own good intentions andlong-term goals.
This article discusses why people engage in self-sabotaging behaviors and provides some examples of self-sabotage.
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It also explores steps you’re free to take to stop undermining your own success.
What Causes Self-Sabotaging Behavior?
People thwart their progress for a variety of reasons.
They may consciously or unconsciously commit acts of self-sabotage.
The causes range from childhood issues to prior relationship effects.
Self-sabotage often serves as a coping mechanism that people use to deal with stressful situations and past traumas.
Conscious and Unconscious Self-Sabotaging
People who self-sabotage might be aware of their actions.
Or they might unconsciously act.
A person misses a work deadline.
On the surface, it seems like he was running late.
But the truth is hes afraid of failure.
He self-sabotages by missing the due date, thus he thwarts his goal to move up in the company.
Difficult Childhood
Growing up in a dysfunctional family can contribute to your acts of self-sabotage.
Without asecure attachment style, you might have an ambivalent oravoidant attachment style.
Our earliest engagement with caregivers affects how we connect to others.
Difficulty in Relationships
If your ex constantly put you down, you might still feel vulnerable.
Maybe they said they were wasting time trying to move forward with someone like you.
Now youre in a great relationship, but you cheat on your partner.
Or break up for no reason.
You dont feel good enough or you fear getting hurt again.
Reasons included:
Low Self-Esteem
People with a negative self-image andlow self-esteemare especially vulnerable to self-sabotaging.
They behave in ways that confirm negative beliefs about themselves.
So, if they are close to succeeding, they become uncomfortable.
Theyve been told all their lives that theyll fail.
Or sometimes they told themselves all their lives that theyd fail.
Self-sabotaging behavior help ensure that this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Human beings like to have consistency between their beliefs and actions.
For example, you are marrying someone great, but you come from a dysfunctional family.
Your dad left, and your mother went from one abusive relationship to another.
You, therefore, dont believe in a stable, loving marriage.
Yet, you are continuing to plan the wedding and send invitations.
Rather than do what it takes to propel yourself forward, you hold back because you dont feel worthy.
So, you get drunk the night before the client meeting and miss it entirely.
Rather than move ahead, you take actions to screw things up for yourself.
Self-sabotaging can lead to chronic struggles with food, liquor, drugs, gambling, and self-injury.
This destructive behavior can also strip people of their motivation and make them anxious.
Examples of Self-Sabotaging Behavior
Mental health practitioners have identified common examples of the ways people self-sabotage.
Three easy-to-identify examples include procrastination, perfectionism, and self-medication.
Its because people fear disappointing others, failing, or succeeding.
Perfectionism
Holding oneself to an impossible standard will cause delays and setbacks.
When something does go wrong, as it inevitably will, perfectionists come undone.
They end up feeling ashamed.
Prone todepression, they feel like they are letting everyone down.
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As mentioned, this behavior may stem from childhood.
Maybe they said, Who are you to believe you’re free to go to college?
you gotta work like the rest of us.
Stop Procrastinating
Common behavior exhibited by those who self-sabotage is procrastination.
So, you self-sabotage.
Peer influence or social factors also influenced procrastination.
Finally, a lack of skills in the area of study skills also contributed to procrastination.
To prevent acts of self-sabotage, dont get hung up on minutiae.
Those who self-sabotage sometimes waste lots of time on unimportant details.
Another example: If youre trying to get healthy, dont make all-or-nothing decisions.
Don’t throw in the towel if you miss the gym one week.
Start back the next.
Make small incremental changes and act on them slowly.
This way, you might prevent your sabotaging mind from putting on the brakes.
Take more bite-sized actions that wont derail you.
Stop Perfectionistic Thinking
Self-sabotaging people are often perfectionists.
Maybe you overthink every detail, and everything has to be just right.
Aim to strive for excellence, not perfection.
Make small improvements and note progress on the way toward accomplishing the desired goal.
Remember That Self-Sabotaging Takes Work
This negative behavior is time-consuming and takes a lot of work.
Recent research shows thatself-handicappingis resource-demanding.
Behavioral dysregulation andemotional dysregulationare often because of childhood trauma or neglect.
This dysregulation can foster harmful reactions.
2019;10:e16.
