As his condition progressed over the last decade, she experienced a sense of loss.
I miss being able to reminisce and ask for his recommendations in life.
I miss his storytelling, his wit, and his humor.
Verywell Mind / Getty Images
When Murphey was 21 years old, her mom died suddenly of an aneurysm at 52 years old.
The unexpectedness of the loss gives her a unique perspective as she navigates her dads situation.
I feel fortunate to have my dad in my life.
He has lived 40 years longer than my mom, says Murphey.
We feel this sense of mourning before the actual loss occurs.
Understanding Anticipatory Grief
Anticipatory grief refers to intense feelings of sorrow before a loss occurs.
They may also experience anticipatory grief due to a divorce or non-death-related circumstances.
Grief starts when someone is diagnosed.
People start to experience the loss of future plans like living in Europe for a year, says Edgerly.
The Emotional and Physical Journey of Grief
The impending loss of a loved one affects people differently.
What Does Anticipatory Grief Feel Like?
Emotional symptoms of anticipatory grief include the following, according to the Alzheimers Caregiving data pipe.
Communicating may change over time and may come and go with dementia.
Asking them how they are feeling and if they are noticing any changes can also be meaningful.
The following strategies might help with the process.
Recognize that there is a progression in disease [by] understanding what is going to be happening.
For instance, in later stages of dementia, many people may not recognize their family members or friends.
Murphey finds comfort in learning about dementia and how it might affect her father.
Given so, Moffa saysexpressing your emotionsis essential.
It only matters that you dont stuff your emotions down during this overwhelming time, says Moffa.
Online communities and message boards like the Alzheimers Associations freeALZConnectedcommunity offer connections to people sharing their insights.
He needed to pivot with the sudden loss of his wife.
If support groups are not your thing, consider finding amental health professionalwith knowledge of dementia and anticipatory grief.
Grief is messy and clumsy and non-linear.
Grief comes when it comes, and there is no need to rush peace or closure.
For Murphey, knowing her dad is safe and content in his day-to-day brings her comfort.
We visit often and bring him strong Irish tea and coffee that he has always enjoyed.
Grief is messy and clumsy and non-linear.
Grief comes when it comes, and there is no need to rush peace or closure.
Bottom Line
Grieving a loved one as they face an age-related illness brings about complicated emotions.
2020 May;81(1):107-29. doi:10.1177/0030222818761461
Alzheimers Caregivers connection.Anticipatory Grief & Alzheimers Disease.
