They were beyond excited about their partner and had recently moved into a new home.
We sleep better in separate rooms.
Perk of being in a bigger house, they said before I could ask.
Verywell Mind / Getty Images
Alas, here we areanewlywedcouple who are crazy about each other enjoying their sleep divorce.
Dont let the inclusion of the worddivorceconfuse you.
You may have heard the stigmaor you may have some preconceived notions yourselfabout couples who sleep separately.
However, sleeping apart isnt necessarily a sign of troubled waters.
Let us explain why.
Why Do Couples Get Sleep Divorced?
First, lets consider why couples choose to sleep apart.
In the case of my dear friend, it is because their partnersnores.
In the meantime, my friend wasnt willing to sacrifice precious nights of sleep.
Body heat and different sleep preferences can be another reason.
Finally, there are brief seasons of sleep divorce.
Sleep divorce can lead to quality sleep, which in turn leads toan enhanced quality of life.
Our sleep is critical for our mental health.
As atherapist, I tell my clients thatsleep hygieneis just as critical as personal hygiene.
Research backs this up tooit is well-documented that quality sleep decreases symptoms of poormental health.
A big drawback of sleep divorce is simply not being able to sleep together.
Again, some couples may perceive this to be a sign of trouble.
Others may feel they’re missing out on a sense of closeness.
This is completely natural, but it also has a solution.
I turned to licensed marriage and family therapistLauren Pietrato get her insight.
So, this may look like being very intentional with setting aside quality time forcuddlingandsex.
Or, it may be small acts, like holding hands, throughout the day.
Feel like a sleep divorce is right for you but arent sure where to start?
Weve got some ideas lined up for you.
Since sleeping in separate bedrooms is a sensitive topic, youll want to proceed thoughtfully.
This means the morning after a sleepless night is not the time to bring it up.
you’re able to useI-Statementsto own your feelings, experience, and desire, explains Pietra.
While having the conversation, you mustnt personalize your partners feelings.
You or your partner may struggle with the idea of sleeping separately.
You canvalidate their feelingswithout having to agree.
First, having separate bedrooms is a huge privilege.
If that isnt a privilege you have, youll want to be extra thoughtful about this arrangement.
Alternatively, perhaps you two switch off the nights someone gets the main bedroom.
Building a Routine
From there, youll also want to rethink your rituals and routines.
Relationships with issues deeper than sleep disturbances may have difficulty resolving conflict, explains Pietra.
This is just to say that you may want some professional support as you begin making a big change.
We’ve even rounded up ourfavorite couples therapy servicesto help you out.
Another thing to consider is if any treatments could get to the root of the sleep disturbances.
Adams shares her own experience with sleep divorce.
Now, go get somerest.
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Klingelhoefer L, Bhattacharya K, Reichmann H.Restless legs syndrome.Clin Med (Lond).
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