Verywell / Laura Porter
Loving someone withalcohol use disorder (AUD)often feels like walking a tightrope.
You might feelhelplessto change anything at all.
At a Glance
The truth is that there’s no quick fix for addiction.
Verywell / Laura Porter
Do free yourself from blame, know when to step back, and understand that they need outside help.
Don’t take things personally, accept the unacceptable, or enable their behavior.
It’s not your fault.
You may think, “If they really love me, they wouldn’t lie to me.”
Unfortunately, this usually results in leaving those family members feeling lonely and frustrated.
You may tell yourself that surely there is something you could do.
However, a crisis is usually the time when youshoulddo nothing.
Remember, it’s not your responsibility to “cure” their AUD.
You just happen to love someone who is probably going to need professional treatment to get healthy again.
That’s their responsibility, not yours.
Treatment for AUD can include counseling, support groups, and medication.
But the next time, the behavior may get a little worse and then even worse.
You might slowly begin to accept more and more unacceptable behavior.
Before you realize it, it’s possible for you to find yourself in a full-blown abusiverelationship.
Abuse is never acceptable.
You do not have to put up with unacceptable behavior in your life.
Growing up in a home where alcohol use is common can leave lasting scars.
However, for someone with an alcohol dependence, that expectation may turn out to be unreasonable.
Alcoholism is aprogressive disease.
Don’t allow the disappointments and mistakes of the past affect your choices todaycircumstances have probably changed.
This is just enabling.
Dealing with the problem openly and honestly is the best approach.
Enablingoccurs when someone else covers up or makes excuses for the person who has a SUD.
As a result, the person with a SUD doesn’t deal with the consequences of their actions.
When You Enable Them
What happens when you enable them?
In other words, their behavior, rather than your reaction to their behavior, becomes the focus.
It is only when they experience their own pain that they will feel a need to change.
Natural consequences may mean that you refuse to spend any time with the person dependent on alcohol.
This decision is not being mean or unkind.
It is an act of protection for yourself.
However, it’s important to see to it you’re getting the support you need as well.
It’s OK to make choices that are good for your own physical and mental health.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
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National Institute on Drug Abuse.Words matter - terms to use and avoid when talking about addiction.
American Psychiatric Association.Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.Fifth Edition.
Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Association; 2013.
SurgeonGeneral.gov.The neurobiology of substance use, misuse, and addiction.
American Society of Addiction Medicine.Definition of addiction.
Estimates and correlates from a national study of recovering U.S. adults.Alcohol Clin Exp Res.
2022;13:767506. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2022.767506
Willm Mistral.Integrated Approaches to Drug and Alcohol Problems: Action on Addiction.
Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group; 2016.
Pius J, Egunjobi J.Communication and Addiction.African Journal of Alcohol & Drug Abuse.
Center for Substance Abuse Treatment.Brief Interventions and Brief Therapies for Substance Abuse.
Rockville, MD: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration; 1999: Chapter 2.
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