Co-parent the dogs (or cats if you fancy).
Take weekly trips to the local grocer.
All the coupley things.
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For those of us in relationships, the inevitability of cohabitating is now, well, less inevitable.
Read on to learn about the benefits, the challenges, and how to make it work.
Benefits of Living Apart Together
LAT is all about keeping your autonomy while growing with a partner.
This choice is often made to preserve personal autonomy while nurturing a close, intimate relationship.
Or, you’re allergic to your partner’s pet.
Maybe you don’t like the neighborhood your significant other lives in because it’s nosy and crowded.
Someone who has trouble sleeping next to someone else may also be a good fit for LAT.
Whatever the case, there are several reasons and situations why some couples prefer separate livingand they’re valid!
This is something I hear all too often in my relationship.
My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half but do not plan to cohabitate.
A possible fix to this problem is by being intentional and carving out time in each other’s schedules.
Remember, it’s thelittle things that matterthe most.
Communication Avoidance
Another potential problem of LAT iscommunication avoidance.
Reed says that communication can be easier to wiggle out of when your partner isn’t around.
To prevent conflict avoidance, Reed recommends establishingcommunication and conflict ruleson how arguments and discussions will be handled.
In some cases, some partners feel emotionally disconnected when living without their partner.
How to address that and feel together, even when you’re apart?
Let’s examine that.
One first step, says Weiss, is planningquality time, so the relationship stays connected.
It’s what my partner and I do to maintain our close connection!
We communicate often and text each other good morning and good night when we’re physically apart.
We also do standing activities together like dinners at specific restaurants and weekly bar trivia.
This applies to sex and intimacy too.
There’s also good old phone sex.
It helps both individuals feel grounded in their relationship even though they do not cohabitate.
Keeping the emotional connection alive is the most important element.
This emotional attunement fosters a deep bond, which is especially needed when living apart.
It is the stigma more so the physical distance that leads to emotional disconnect.
Aside from social stigma, consider your partner’s communication skills.
The LAT method requires intentionality, communication, mutual understanding, and agreement to be successful, says Reed.
And the talks don’t end there.
It takes work like all relationships do.
And yeah, unlike living together, you’ll have to make more of an effort to communicate.
Instead, you’ve got the option to live apart together.
van der Wiel, R., Mulder, C. H., & Bailey, A.
