I like all the subgenresshifter romance, historical, mafia,marriage of convenience, the list goes on.
Basically, I’m a book nerd.
Have been since I was 13 and read the many One Direction fanfictions on Wattpad.
Getty Images / Verywell Mind
Oh, and tons of smut, too.
A majority of my early romance reader experiences contained smutaka sexually explicit scenes in books.
We’re all obsessed with book boyfriends, perfect romance, and fairytale love.
After all, romance novels are a billion-dollar industry that’s growing at an unprecedented rate every year.
I’m not sure, but I did some digging to find out.
And I’m not the only one who feels this way.
So many BookTokers have made videos comparing the disappointment that is real-life men to fictional characters.
Katherine Hertleinleans more towards the latter.
She continues, adding that most romance novels don’t include the mundane stuff (i.e.
the awkward and sometimes even dull but very important getting-to-know-you conversations between potential partners).
Things like communication challenges or conflict.
They rarelyif everinclude thecourting stage of dating.
What Does Reading Smut Say About Relationships, Dating, and Sex?
There’s nothing wrong with reading erotica or smut.
If anything, it’s a form of escapism, says Dr. Hertlein.
More people are also eager to learn about theirsexual desires, saysDr.
Janet Brito, a sex therapist and founder of The Sexual Health School.
Even single people like myself who avidly read smut can find value.
Think about ithow often does smut show the awkwardness of sex?
Consuming a lot of erotic literature might lead to unrealistic expectations about sex, Dr. Hertlein explains.
Moreover, smut often promotes an unrealistic depiction of orgasms.
The 2013 study also concluded that female orgasms in books are presented as physical transformations that happen in minutes.
Something, as a woman, I can say is very rare.
Smut helps readers with their desires and sex lives, but it also promotes unrealistic expectations of sex.
The fact is sex is enjoyable but can be awkward, messy, and sometimes damn awful.
Keep that in mind the next time you’re fantasizing over a fictional book character’s perfect sex.
Eyes so glued to the paperback novel that IRL intimacy and sex have become non-existent.
It may become unhealthy if you’re neglecting other responsibilities or avoiding engagement in real-life relationships, she says.
because you’re too focused on the novel, you might need to cut back on the smut.
You don’t have to quit entirely but establishing boundaries could help.
Prioritize real-life intimacy by consciously focusing on physical and emotional connections with your partner over fictional experiences.
Always reflect on your desire to read erotica, Dr. Hertlein adds.
If you’re reading smut because you like it, great!
Reminder
Romance novels and erotica are fantastical works and should not replace physical connection.
So, Does Smut Ruin Dating?
Too much smut may create intimacy, dating, and relationship issues.
But that’s where discernment comes in.
Accept that romance and smut books are primarily designed for entertainment, Dr. Brito advises.
They often feature characters with ideal qualities and nearly perfect relationships.
While they may include elements of real-life scenarios, their main purpose is to entertain you.
Accept that romance and smut books are primarily designed for entertainment.
While they may include elements of real-life scenarios, their main purpose is to entertain you.
But that doesn’t mean they don’t happen in real life.
And dating sometimes sucks!
Your perfect partner may not be a billionaire mafioso who kills any man who looks at you.
Frankly, you’ll likely kiss lots of toads before you meet a prince.
Because, unfortunately, that’s the real world.
And we live there, not in the sentences and fragments of an author.
Dating is already hard and I don’t need to make it any harder bybeing delusional.
Finding a book boyfriend (does a thing even exist?)
is not as easy as these female protagonists proclaim.
Hell, we may break up after two to three years.
The story may be set in stone but reality isn’t.
Keep that in mind the next time you’re scrolling on Hinge and believe you found the *one.
- Chances are, they’re nothing more than another number.
