In fact, honesty may be a double-edged sword in your marriage.
It may also be something that can help or hinder peace and harmony with your spouse.
The key is to differentiate between secrecy and privacy.
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Relationship Privacy vs.
Secrecy, on the other hand, involves something that you are intentionally hiding from your partner.
Otherwise, ironically, you end up limiting your intimacy with one another, not enhancing it.
Is Honesty Always the Best Policy?
Relationship privacy is perfectly valid, and there are legitimate reasons for keeping a secret from your spouse.
You shouldn’t have to defend not revealing embarrassing or hurtful moments from your past.
It is possible that the secret involves someone else who asked that the story not be told.
The sense of space and the sense of a private part of oneself are essential to many people.
However, honesty is considered a cornerstone oftrust in relationships.
After all, if you might’t believe what your partner says, how can you trust them?
Trust is, by definition, the belief that a person is reliable and honest.
But this doesn’t mean sharing every thought that enters your mind.
Instead, focus on sharing truths in a way that protects your partner and your relationship.
Even if you are sharing something difficult, you might do so in a way that lands softly.
Honesty can be truthful without being brutal.
Withholding facts or information your spouse needs to know in decision-making is harmful manipulation.
Be Prepared
Before you begin, accept that this may be a challenging or even stressful talk.
It might lead to hurt or even anger, depending on what you are sharing.
You might feeldefensive, or you both might become emotional.
Understanding this from the outset can prepare you to handle what the conversation brings.
This is a recipe for misunderstandings, frustrations, and poor reactions.
Consider using “I statements” to frame what you are saying.
Such statements can reduce conflict and are less accusatory.
For example, instead of saying something like, “You always spend money without asking!”
Being direct and open is important if you hope to regain your partner’s trust.
Seeking Help
Honesty and trust are vital to the success of a marriage.
These betrayals can be hard to come back from and your partner may never feel a full sense oftrustagain.
If this situation applies to you, the sooner you face it the better.
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2017;113(1):1-33. doi:10.1037/pspa0000085
