Verywell / Nez Riaz
Some people maintain friends from childhood, and this special bond affords many benefits.
After all, you knew each other through all the growing pains and through those formative years.
You both experienced classes, play, and sports activities together.
Verywell / Nez Riaz
This special friend therefore knows your integral character.
Its a bonus if you maintained ties throughout adulthood while you forged your mature self.
But there can be drawbacks to having lifelong friends from childhood, too.
There may be situations in which those friendships dont enhance our lives or our mental health.
Its important to keep those childhood friends, but also to know when to let them go.
Your peers helped shape you.
You might share memories together of the town pool, math class and graduation from high school.
These friends know when youre elated and when youre exhausted.
Maybe your buddy encouraged you to ask out the person you were crushing on.
Maybe you helped your friend learn how to drive.
You shared major life events together.
You mightve even vowed to be friends forever, no matter what happened.
A childhood friendship that lasts is great because your friend knows more about you than most people will.
With major changes, as you are remaking yourself, you may gravitate toward other people.
You are testing the waters of who you want to become.
Those long-term friendships might suffer the consequence.
Friends move for college and job opportunities.
Then marriage and families.
Sometimes you grow apart from your childhood friend or your friendship fades.
You might lose touch, text and speak less often.
Youre no longer sharing the everyday trials and tribulations as you used to.
They know the adult side of you.
This can be a good thing.
Now youve navigated your own path, perhaps in a new city.
You are making different choices.
Sadly, life happens and sometimes old friends grow apart.
While your brother was called the brains, you were labeled the athletic one.
Your athletic ambitions didnt result in your becoming a star sports figure.
So, you pursued a career as a personal trainer at a local fitness center.
But you really want to do something else now.
Childhood friends view us in a way that might be frozen in time.
That perception might stop you from being independent and moving in a different direction.
Those labels may restrict you and box you in.
Maybe you even internalized the label.
You therefore struggle with theconfidenceand thehigh self-esteemnecessary to move into a new field.
Loyalty to Them May Threaten Your Well-Being
Sometimes your devotion undermines your wellbeing.
Its hard to let go of a friend from childhood as that seems disloyal.
Sometimes holding tight to childhood friendships means making excuses for or overlooking a friends reckless or seriously negative behaviors.
Be sure to think about a possibly misplaced loyalty if it’s damaging to your health and wellbeing.
Did they forgetyour birthdayparty or are acting in a way you dont like with others?
Your friend might bestressed outby a love relationship or job.
If theyre drinking excessively or taking drugs, think about the role youre playing in this relationship.
If theyre exhibiting behaviors you dont want to be associated with, take pause.
There are solutions for stress relief.
Perhaps you could help them.
Or if they are unwilling, decide if youneed to cease your friendship.
Sometimes knowing someone for decades isnt enough of a reason to keep your friendship alive.
Letting go of a childhood friend is especially hard.
Sometimes you lose them through no choice of your own.
That person is a vestige of your past life and shared precious memories with you.
It might feel like losing a part of your old self.
Lifelong friends that took root in childhood care about you even when youre most vulnerable.
Its heartening to know this kind of friend always has your back.
That level of trust is priceless.
2018;29(5):814-823. doi:10.1177/0956797617746510
