It references self-harm, disordered eating, and suicide.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
Parents would lose themselves as their children left this world through their apartment windows.
Verywell / Madelyn Goodnight
Statistics on suicide are often underreported and challenging to retrieve.
However, it is estimated that approximately 60% of the deaths due to suicide occur in Asian countries.
Half of the respondents stated that student suicides were related to the problematic education system.
My childhood and adolescence were filled withperfectionist tendencies.
Iput a lot of pressure on myselfto do well.
In high school, I was anoverachieverwho wanted to do everything right.
I did what the teachers wanted me to do and they rewarded me for my efforts.
Tell me when a quiz, test, or exam is and I will study for it.
Therefore, it came easily to me.
But it was a double-edged sword.
Because I thought school was so easy, I became extremely hard on myself.
There was no room to make mistakes because I was petrified to have one failure define me.
I had a black-and-white view of the world.
There was no room to make mistakes because I was petrified to have one failure define me.
I had a black-and-white view of the world.
So I set the bar higher and higher.
I started focusing on other aspects of my life and trying to be perfect in those.
I had this deep desire to be as well-rounded as possible.
On the outside, one might see a super-talented kid who had all the opportunities in the world.
But on the inside, I struggled with depression, anxiety,disordered eating, and self-harm.
I lost a significant amount of weight.
I started getting a lot of attention for how I transformed my body.
On the outside, one might see a super-talented kid who had all the opportunities in the world.
But on the inside, I struggled with depression, anxiety, disordered eating, and self-harm.
Food became a throw in of control I had in my life.
I started throwing up whenever I binged.
My average dropped from 97% to 93%.
Although for many, this decrease seems minimal, it was a devastating blow for me.
I couldnt keep up with the thing I told myself was the bare minimum.
If I couldnt even do that, then what am I good for?
So I started cutting.
They were like little paper cuts that barely bled but gave me the pain I felt I deserved.
There were several dark moments during that year where I contemplated ending it all.
What Could Have Been
My boyfriend at the time noticed the cuts on my wrist.
He asked me what was going on.
At first, I denied everything.
I told him I scraped it on a door.
But he didnt believe me.
He was relentless, interrogating me with question after question.
So I broke down and confessed.
The concern that he showed shocked me into finally realizing the gravity of the situation.
For so long, I was inside my head, completely convinced that my self-destructive behaviors were justified.
He kept checking in on me.
We had numerous conversations about the pressures I put on myself.
For so long, I was inside my head, completely convinced that my self-destructive behaviors were justified.
The most important person who supported me during this time was my sister.
Once I had told someone about what was going on, I felt safe enough to tell her.
Shes three years ahead of me.
She was my trusted confidant who listened and always stayed open-minded.
Maybe her views would be less open.
Maybe she would have moved away for University.
Maybe our relationship would have been more distant.
Maybe my parents would have pitted us against each other more.
The distance between us removed the external pressure for me to do well and give honor to my family.
Every day, Im grateful I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Youre not alone and you dont have to be.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor.
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.
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