Some details in this piece may be disturbing to readers, especially those who have experienced domestic abuse.
The breakup went even worse than I feared.
In their anger, my ex had a long fit of rage at me.
Verywell / Madelyn Goodnight
My bodys response to being abused, whether verbally, emotionally, or physically, is to shut down.
Newly responsible alone for a costly home, I didnt have the time to be a mess.
Something had to give.
I was trying everything in my arsenal, frommeditationtobreathworktojournaling, and nothing was helping.
Wanting to be guided by something simple and soothing, I headed to YouTube.
At the end of the massage series, I felt queasy.
That feeling remained for about an hour while I sat on the couch and breathed through it.
Suddenly, the queasiness abated, and I felt as if I had dropped back into my body.
Out of the blue, I thought, Im fine.
Im going to be fine.
I am stronger than this.
Out of the blue, I thought, ‘Im fine.
Im going to be fine.
I am stronger than this.’
I got up off the couch a new person.
I submitted the two articles due that day before noon and worked on others with deadlines later that week.
I did this vagus nerve ear massage thing, and it somehow FIXED my nervous system.
Im going to be OK!
The next day I lasted longer; the day after that, longer still.
Ice baths top out at three minutes or so, and I do them once a week.
Every few days, I add in one of the ear massages.
Not only did vagus nerve exercises save me from my PTRS, I feel the best I ever have.
And yet, thats exactly how cold plunging makes me feel.
It gives me the understanding that whatever happens to me in life, Ill be OK.
I feel ready and excited about it all.
I have worked so, so hard to be someone who does not attract abusers.
Yet here I am, the happiest and the most relaxed version of myself Ive known.
2019 Aug 9;13:854.
2018 Oct 9;2(2):e10257.
