Is libido in the room with us right now?

And when I’m not, it’s basically nonexistent.

Mysex educationincluded zero information about libido or desire.

Silhouette of a couple in love in the sea

DaniloAndjus / Getty Images

I went to public school, but it was the 2000s, and abstinence-only sex education was the norm.

My perception of what ahealthy sex lifelooks like mostly came from my friends and the pop culture around me.

As a church youth group member, I even signed a purity pledge.

(Or if they did, I didn’t pick up on it).

When I did finally start having sex, I found that I wanted to have sexall the time.

As I got older and more sexually experienced, this pattern continued.

When I was dating someone, my libido was sky-high.

And when I wasn’t, my libido all but disappeared.

“If I were you, I’d have found a Tinder hookup months ago,” one said.

When I was dating someone, my libido was sky-high.

And when I wasn’t, my libido all but disappeared.

In my early 20s, I tried out a fewcasual hookups, but they were rarely enjoyable.

Plus, mysex dreamsfrequently starred celebrities I’d never met.

While primarily experiencing responsive desire is particularly common among women, this statement applies to all genders.

The vast majority of the time, I experience responsive desire.

(How) Does Spontaneous Desire Happen?

“Are you spontaneously hungry, or did you progressively get hungrier throughout your day?

Did you see reminders of food throughout your day?

So, What Is a Healthy Sex Life?

A healthy sex life looks different for everyone.

“Both are normal and natural, and people can experience both of these depending on context.

But in essence, there is not one definitive ‘right way’ to experience desire.”

Are you happy with your experience of sex and pleasure?

Then there’s nothing to worry about here.

Bringing in a professional POV can be useful, too.