Verywell / Laura Porter
Do you often have the thought, “I hate myself”?
If you are filled with feelings of self-hatred, you know how frustrating they can be.
Below are some possible causes to consider.
Verywell / Laura Porter
It’s important to remember that not everyone who experiences self-hatred will have had the same life experiences.
There is no singular path that leads to thinking, “I hate myself.”
Consider your unique circumstances and what might have brought you to this point.
You might feel as though you are different from other people and that you dont measure up.
These thoughts may leave you feeling like an outcast or a fraud when you are with other people.
The inner critic is like a frenemy who is intent on undermining your success.
The more you listen to that criticalinner voice, the more power you give to it.
Where does that negative inner critic come from?
It isnt likely that you developed that voice in your head all by yourself.
Rather, most often, the negative inner critic arises from past negative life experiences.
Childhood Experiences
Did you grow up with parents who were critical of you?
Bad Relationships
Not all critical inner voices begin during childhood.
Bullying
Were you the victim of bullying in school,at work, or in another relationship?
Even transient relationships with people can create lasting memories that impact your self-concept and affect your self-esteem.
If so, the loss might leave you wondering, “why me?”
which can evolve into feelings of shame or regret, particularly if you feel you were somehow at fault.
Many find this process is made easier with the help of a therapist or other mental health professional.
Find out which option is the best for you.
Negative Self-Concept
Do you have a negative self-concept, poor self-image, or low self-esteem?
When you have thoughts of self-hatred, small problems can be magnified into much larger ones.
For example, you’re at a party and you tell a joke that falls flat.
This can leave you feeling as though you are not worthy and do not belong.
You may feel isolated and different from everyone else.
Below are some potential outcomes:
Many of the outcomes of self-hatred are similar to the signs of self-hatred.
In this way, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy from which you cannot easily escape.
As long as you stay in this cycle of self-hatred, youll never move forward.
But with help, you’re free to break the cycle.
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
Try Journaling
Keep a journal to reflect on your day and how you felt about what happened.
As you journal each day, look for patterns and aim to become moreaware of how your emotions shift.
Research shows that expressive writing such as journaling can help to reduce psychological distress.
Ask yourself questions about whether your thoughts are realistic, or whether you are engaging inthought distortions.
Try standing up to your inner bully by countering that inner voice with arguments to the contrary.
Practice Self-Compassion
Instead of hating yourself, practice showing yourself compassion.
What would you say to a friend or loved one who was having similar thoughts about themselves?
Was that one bad thing that happened really the end of the world?
Could you reframe the situation to see it as a setback instead of a catastrophe?
Research shows that compassion-focused therapy can improve self-esteem, which could be helpful to reduce self-hatred.
If you dont have any positive people your everyday life, consider joining asupport group.
Engaging in meditation is a way to shut off the negative voice in your head.
Take Care of Yourself
Instead of engaging in self-destructive behaviors, engage inself-care.
Determine your values and then start acting in accordance with them.
Once you start to align with your values, it will be easier to feel confident in yourself.
If you havent already been assessed by a mental health professional, this should be your first step.
Theres no reason to keep living your life with the thoughts about hating yourself.
Mental Health America.I hate myself.
2021;94(3):737-759. doi:10.1111/papt.12319
