Theres a difference between helping and enabling someone, but its not always easy to tell.
How can you stop if you are being an enabler?
Enabling an alcoholic is not the same as helping an alcoholic.
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Helping is doing something that the person could not or would not do for themselves if they were sober.
An important difference between helping and enabling?
Helping does not protect a person who is misusing alcohol from the consequences of their actions.
While the term “alcoholic” was used in the past but is now viewed as outdated and stigmatizing.
Today, healthcare professionals would say that a person has alcohol use disorder (AUD).
When it comes to reducing alcohol-related stigma, words matter.
Enabling vs.
The quick way to tell the difference between enabling and helping?
Why Do People Enable Alcoholics?
There really isnt a single reason that people enable their loved ones who are misusing substances.
Its often a combination of situations and the complexities of relationships that lead to enabling.
You probably have started out with a genuine desire to be helpful.
The group also addresses the role played by loved ones in enabling that behavior.
Enabling can be a way to cope with or avoid emotional pain.
That said, it doesnt mean its easy to do.
Remember that you’re free to’t change other people but youcanchange your behaviors and reactions toward them.
Here are a few things to keep in mind as you work to stop being an enabler.
Are you providing this person with food and a place to live?
If so, you could be enabling.
meetingor a job interview is really helping and not enabling.
Maybe thats a call youve made on behalf of a loved one who istoo hungoverto go to work.
Making an excuse for them is enabling because it lets your loved one off the hook.
Now, they wont have to face the consequences of their alcohol use.
You might say, But, they could lose their job!"
Yep, youre rightthey could.
And losing their job might be the wake-up call they need to start taking responsibility for their behavior.
But protecting your loved one from them wont save them from the true threat to their wellbeingtheir substance misuse.
So, not only are you not helping your loved oneyoure not taking care of yourself, either.
If you react negatively, you are giving them an emotional out.
attempt to stay calm and avoid blowing up or having an emotional reaction to the situation.
They may even feel like they need to join their world to reconnect with them.
It wont help them and it wont help you.
Saying, “If you don’t quit drinking, I will leave!”
Setting boundaries is something you do foryourselfits not about controlling your loved one or trying to change their behavior.
What Happens When You Stop Enabling An Alcoholic?
So, what happens when you stop enabling someone with an alcohol or substance use disorder?
Not knowing what will happen or not feeling positive about the outcome can be very difficult to accept.
You may want to take some time to learn more about enabling and the “familydisease of alcoholism.”
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
2013;28(3-4):194205. doi:10.1080/19371918.2013.759005
University of Pennsylvania.Enabling behaviors.
2018;46(1):48-56. doi:10.1007/s10615-018-0645-x
Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation.What is enabling?.
National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.Al-Anon interview with NIAAA director Dr. George F. Koob.
