Are you a people-pleaser?
This article covers the traits, causes, and negative impact being a people-pleaser can have.
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Verywell / Nez Riaz
A people-pleaser is a person who puts others needs ahead of their own.
This behavior can be a symptom of a mental health condition.
They are also generallyempathetic, thoughtful, and caring.
So what is the root cause of people-pleasing?
A person might genuinely want to see to it that other people have the help that they need.
In other cases, people-pleasing can be a way to feel validated or liked.
By making sure that people are happy, they feel as if they are useful and valued.
Effects of Being a People-Pleaser
People-pleasing isnt necessarily a bad thing.
Being a concerned and caring person is an important part of maintaining healthy relationships with loved ones.
People may not even realize they are taking advantage of you.
What they may not see is how thin you are stretched and how overcommitted you might be.
Be clear and specific about what you’re willing to take on.
There are also other ways to create boundaries in your life to help reign in your people-pleasing tendencies.
You might also explain that you are only available for a specific period of time.
For example, try saying no to a text request.
Then work your way up to telling people “no” in person.
Set Goals and Priorities
Consider where you want to spend your time.
Who do you want to help?
What goals are you trying to accomplish?
Remind yourself that you deserve to have time for yourself.
For repeat offenders or people who keep insisting that you should help, be firm and clear.
Remind yourself that “no” is a complete sentence.
Remember that Relationships Require Give and Take
A strong, healthy relationship involves a certain degree ofreciprocity.
If you are always giving and they are always taking, you might be in aone-sided relationship.
Help When You Want to Help
You dont need to give up being kind and thoughtful.
Those are desirable qualities that can contribute to strong, lasting relationships.
The key is to examine your motivations and intentions.
Dont do things only because you fear rejection or want the approval of others.
Keep doing good things, but on your own terms.
Kindness doesnt demand attention or rewardsit simply requires a desire to make things better for another person.
Remind yourself that you cant hey everyone.
If it’s interfering with your well-being, talk to a mental health professional.
A trained therapist can help you manage your behavior, prioritize your own needs, and establish healthy boundaries.
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