And thats on top of all the day-to-day stresses we’re already dealing with.
It often feels like were one wrong look away from a bad mood.
All that tension is a recipe for negative interaction with strangers and friends alike.
Tony Garcia / Verywell Mind
Someone snaps over something completely out of your control.
Negative interactions are going to happen sometimes, but knowing how to handle them effectively makes all the difference.
In the moment, focus on staying calm, ensuring the situation is safe, and de-escalating the argument.
Some of the increased tension with strangers is likely due to the lingering effects of the pandemic.
The COVID pandemic drastically reduced interactions with our physical communities and the larger world beyond our homes, saysDr.
Noah Kass, DSW, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in New York.
The initial joy of things returning to the new normal came with a realization that things have shifted.
Oursocial skillshave gotten rusty.
This leads to faulty assumptions about strangers intentions, creating fertile ground for conflict, says Dr. Kass.
Understanding Negative Interactions
Negative interactions with strangers are social exchanges that go sideways.
Each interaction is unique, but there are a few common triggers.Stressand frustration are biggies.
Minor annoyances feel bigger, which pretty much throws empathy and patience out the window.
Physical discomfort is another factor that can contribute to negative interaction.
People are more likely to beirritablewhen they are too hot, overstimulated, or physically uncomfortable.
“Someone bumping into us or standing too close can feel more irritating than usual, she adds.
She also notes that our brains are wired to scan for situations that feel off.
So when we feel unsafe or threatened, we’re more likely to misinterpret the situation or reactdefensively.
Recap
In many cases, it doesn’t take much to trigger a negative interaction.
Miscommunication and impatience can often make people tense, angry, frustrated, or confused.
You may feel overheated, shaky, breathless, and unable to think clearly.
However, not every interaction calls for this reaction, and sometimes, it can be counterproductive.
Instead of responding calmly and rationally, you overreact and worsen the conflict.
Calming your body is essential.
Simple deep breaths work wonders here, or even just unclenching your fists or jaw, she suggests.
These little things send a signal to your body that you are safe.
Dr. Kass also recommends being aware of yourbody language and facial expressionsand keeping them relaxed.
“We often convey much more through our facial expressions than words.
A stranger wont have context to understand your emotions or intentions, he says.
Be mindful of what youre projecting, even when not speaking.
Take a deep breath and focus on keeping your mind and body relaxed.
By approaching the situation calmly, you’re less likely to escalate the situation into an even bigger conflict.
Assess the Situation
Realistically, not every negative interaction with strangers is worth your energy.
Its important to ask yourself if youre reading the situation accurately, Groskopf says.
Sometimes, were just picking up on a bad vibe because of stress or misunderstandings, not actual danger.
Sometimes the best (and safest) response to negativity is no response at all.
Respond in a neutral voice, and don’t let yourself getdefensive.
Speak slowly, keep your body language open, and show someempathy.
Even just softening your tone can help lower the tension for both of you, Groskopf says.
The calmer you are, the calmer theyll become.
Its almost like your nervous system talks to theirs.
Dr. Kass suggests being mindful of personal space when things start to get heated.
Many of us have differentboundariesregarding proximity, he says.
Remember, you dont know a strangers background or triggers, so maintaining physical space is essential.
You might be left feeling angry, anxious, or frustrated.
Such interactions lead to high emotional arousal.
A phenomenon known as emotional flooding.
When this happens, we feel mentally disorganized, overwhelmed, and overstimulated.
Essentially, our emotions take control, making it hard to think clearly and respond calmly.
Groskopf has some tips for managing the emotional aftermath of a negative interaction with a stranger.
She suggests:
Try not to take these interactions personally.
Remember, a stranger’s behavior often has little (if anything) to do with you.
They are often dealing with their own issues, so don’t let their problems drag you down.
When you reflect on your emotional response, you might gain clarity on your triggers.
One helpful thing you’re free to do isvisualizehow you want to handle things differently next time.
This doesn’t mean beating yourself up about what you did wrong, Groskopf says.
Your responses can become less automatic and more authentic to who you really are as a person.
If you’re still struggling, consider talking to a therapist.
They can give you the clarity and perspective you should probably find some emotional relief.
We all get heated, but remember, theres rarely a winner in a confrontation with a stranger.
Dont let your mouth write a check your body cant cash.
Gallup.Gallup Global Emotions, 2024.
2021;35(7):1350-1364. doi:10.1080/02699931.2021.1959302
