Love them without losing yourself
You raised them, loved them, and launched them into the world.
Now your kids are adults with lives of their own.
It’s a beautiful thing, right?
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But let’s be real: navigating relationships andboundarieswith adult children can also be a little…tricky.
We want to support their independence while still maintaining our own sanity and well-being.
The goal is to figure out how to love our adult kids without losing ourselves in the process.
That’s where boundaries come in.
Boundaries define how wed like to be treated by others.
At a Glance
An adult child who lives at home and doesnt help out around the house.
A parent who keeps coming over unannounced.
This involves recognizing that they are individuals with their own lives, hopes, dreams, and challenges.
The experts help us explore what that might look like.
This includes letting them handle their health, lifestyle, finances, relationships, and career decisions independently.
Chances are theyll make mistakes along the way, but you have to let them learn their lessons.
Its important to recognize that adulthood means autonomy, and as parents we really do need to respect that.
Sometimes our adult child just doesnt want to listen to our advice and thats okay, says Harris.
Its important to recognize that adulthood means autonomy, and as parents we really do need to respect that.
Sometimes our adult child just doesnt want to listen to our advice and thats okay.
Respecting Their Boundaries
Just as you’re setting rules, your children might be too.
Time and Availability
Boundary:I love spending time with you but I already have plans today.
Model behavior:Reciprocate the favor by checking your childrens availability before making plans and not showing up unannounced.
Lets make a list of some chores you could do.
Assign them age-appropriate chores from a young age, so they’re involved in the housework.
Model behavior:Respect your childrens personal space and dont misuse it.
Model behavior:Dont help yourself to your childrens belongings.
Ask before borrowing something and return it in a timely manner.
This can take a toll on your relationship and harm your family dynamics.
Seeking support can help you resolve some of these issues and build a healthier relationship with each other.
2020 Jan;62(Suppl 2):S192-S200.
