This discourse has left many in a conundrum: is there an age differencetoolarge that the relationship is unhealthy?
Can you love a significant other if you’re years older (or younger) than them?
How Did This All Begin?
Verywell Mind / Getty
Romantic relationships between people with many years between them date back toevolutionary times.
It goes without saying that queer couples also have relationships with age gaps.
This same study also reported older partners are more accepting of younger counterparts.
The younger partner could be getting taken advantage of.
Did You Know?
This can mess with the relationship’s structure, blurring boundaries and causing issues between parents and their children.
Do Age Gap Relationships Work?
Curious if an age-gap relationship can work?
Anna’s Story
We asked Anna* about her experience.
Anna is a 34-year-old woman in a relationship with a man 14 years her senior.
A big part of their component is learning from each other, which she finds fulfilling.
But, because of generational differences, she notices that they dont always get each others perspectives right away.
The couple has been together for 10 years, married for 5.
While he is happy in his marriage, it hasn’t been without its challenges.
“In the beginning, it was fun, he says.
You really have to respect their process, Carter says.
Over time, as they grew together, their relationship became more balanced.
Their age gap is something he rarely thinks about now.
When asked about the best part of being in an age-gap relationship, Carter has a unique take.
There isn’t a best part.
I didn’t seek out this relationship because she was younger than me, he says.
We just happened to fall in love with each other, like any other relationship.
Those challenges can range from deciding when to have children to when it is time to head into retirement.
Some of their biggest considerations include the different timelines and expectations they have for family planning.
This poses an opportunity for ahuge power imbalance.
If youre facing judgment for your relationship, it is important to begin with some honesty andself-reflection.
Is there a problematic age difference due to the different life stages you two are in?
Do lingering issues of a power imbalance loom?
Are you two simply not aligned on your long-term wants and needs?
Sometimes judgment cuts the deepest when it is rooted in truth.
If the stigma is impacting your relationship, seek acouples therapistwho can help you both navigate social situations.
Knowing When Things Arent Right
Always trust your gut.
If youre something feels off in your relationship, it probably is.
It could be related to your age gap or another underlying issue.
These are also red flags.
When in doubt, seek out individual or couples therapy.
A licensed counselor can be a helpful ear and guide to navigating any arising conflicts in your relationship.
(Psychologists called thisbuilding love maps, says Slipski).
Stepping into each others shoes can help you understand differing perspectives and life experiences.
Slipski also encourages continued close communication to double-check everyone’s wants and needs are expressed and met.
If things are getting bumpy but both parties are committed to seeing the relationship through, considercouples therapy.
Finally, allow yourself to be fullypresent.
Plenty of couples in healthy and balanced partnerships don’t let their age differences dominate the entire relationship.
Anna stands as an example of this.
I dont think about [the age gap] that much.
After a while, it just feels normal and fades into the background, she says.
2015;15:10. doi: 10.1186/s12888-015-0388-y
