As a relationship coach, I help people rewire the habits that quietly sabotage their chance of finding love.
For everyone who puts in the work, Ive seen that change is possible.
And better yet, growth is inevitable with the right tools, self-awareness, and dedication.
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Foster Self-Awareness
Bad or unhelpful relationship habits often originate from beliefs and unresolved issues rooted inchildhood.
These experiences form thesubconsciousprogramming you tell yourself today, making it easy to see yourself through a fixed lens.
Instead of getting stuck in that loop, try approaching your narrative with curiosity.
For example, lets say youre typically drawn to partners who require constant support.
Lead With Regulated Emotions
Emotionsprovide the texture of our lives and provide essential context to whats happening.
Research indicates emotional regulationencourages mental health-promoting behaviors.
When youre in adysregulatedemotional state, unhealthy habits surface.
If you do it long enough, these habits become automatic.
While these behaviors provide temporary comfort, it also creates a barrier to genuine connection.
Over time, you may ignorered flagsand attract people who have similar blocked emotional states.
But when youre grounded and emotionally regulated, youre able to make better relationship habits.
You find the courage to speak the difficult yet essential truth.
You learn tocommunicate directly.
To start, practice being with your emotions as they come up.
Notice where theyre located in your body, and take the time to breathe and sit with them.
This embodied act fosters emotional resilience, leading you to deeper intimacy with yourself and others.
Incorporate Compassion Into Your Self-Care
I believecompassionis one of the most transformative values you might nurture.
When youre in the midst of updating your self-concept, youre peeling back layers of who you once were.
I really hurt that person.
I didnt respect myself back then.
I wonder if people have judged me for my past actions when I didnt know better.
Its easy to beat yourself up.
Studies show thatself-compassionhas consistently been linked to positive outcomes for mental health and well-being.
Compassion is the secret ingredient that makes this level of growth feel worthwhile.
Compassion lovingly meets you where you are at.
Compassion has the capacity toextend forgiveness to all versions of yourself.
Compassion recognizes your intrinsic worth beyond actions and past experiences.
Compassion enables you to pick yourself back up and keep going.
Take Change One Step at a Time
Weve all been sold the myth of instant transformation.
We set massive resolutions for New Years to invent ourselves magically at midnight.
We glamorize life-changing makeovers in the space of a one-hour TV show.
When I work with clients, we focus on making these changes with titration in mind.
I have a very unhealthy relationship habit of taking responsibility for other peoples feelings when theyre upset.
But I don’t need to land every action perfectly anymore.
Being OK with making mistakes is growth!
Being focused on self-acceptance versus self-improvement has made all of the difference.
The changes youre ready to make today are exactly what you need right nowand thats enough.
You dont have to push for more or rush the process when you kick these habits.
Pick one relationship habit to work on today.
Give that behavior the space and gentleness you oughta rewrite that particular groove.
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