Researchers have found that the unequal distribution of housework is one of the top stressors in many relationships.
Stress levels increase in your home when either of you is unhappy about unfinished chores.
Couples fight over who does what around the house almost as much as they fight over money.
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Evidence also indicates that this disparity was exacerbated significantly by the COVID-19 pandemic.
What factors contribute to the uneven distribution of housework?
One study found that traditional gender roles were associated with imbalanced household contributions.
This imbalance was also linked to increased work-family conflict.
Evidence suggests that couples who believe the work should be evenly divided are happier than those who don’t.
It can also make it difficult for parents to return to the workforce.
However, it can also happen in other types of relationships, including same-sex relationships and friendships.
It is apassive-aggressive wayof avoiding housework and parenting duties, and it causes significant harm to relationships.
The partner who does all these tasks feels alone, manipulated, and overworked.
It also communicates that the person shirking their duties does not respect their partner enough to share the load.
This impairs intimacy and makes it difficult for a person to feel that they cantrust their partner.
So what happens when housework isn’t distributed fairly and equitably to each person in the relationship?
Asking for help implies that the responsibility for the chores belongs to just you.
Here’s how to do it.
Learn About Priorities
Set your priorities as a couple.
What is truly important to each of you?
Many couples find they look at the division of chores differently.Domestic disorder simply doesn’t bother some people.
Compromise works best if you select priorities rather than trying to completely satisfy both partners.
Or perhaps you could tackle the horrid chore together as a team.
Some folks are morning people and some folks are night owls.
Then decide who is going to do what, make a list, and post the list.
Then let it go.
Don’t nag each other about what you volunteered to do.
Sometimes one partner overcommits or underestimates the time it takes to get something done.
Blaming your partner for what hasn’t been accomplished will not be effective.
Reevaluate your plan and adjust as needed.
Or give a shot to get your home organized so it runs more efficiently.
Ask yourself if some chores even have to be done on a regular basis.
Predictors of the division of household labour across life stages.Sex Roles.
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Fuwa M, Cohen PN.Housework and social policy.Social Science Research.
Ciciolla L, Luthar SS.Invisible household labor and ramifications for adjustment: Mothers as captains of households.Sex Roles.
