While it’s common for people to have narcissistic traits, the severity of traits runs on a spectrum.
The narcissist creates a sense of instant connection with you.
They make you feel unique and wonderful, and put you on a pedestal.
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In a romanticrelationship, the narcissist will dazzle you with gifts and compliments.
They will make you feel special and appear to be overwhelmingly attracted to you.
Despite seemingly innocent or endearing, some controlling tactics may be present early on.
For example, they may guilt or shame you for spending time with others outside of the relationship.
They may also break the boundaries you’ve previously communicated.
There will be hints of raises and promotions that dont actually materialize.
Devaluation Stage
The devaluation stage, also known as the depreciation stage, comes next.
It often starts slowly.
You’ll start to feel insecure.
This is known asgaslighting.
Youll start to question your memory and your sanity.
Aimee Daramus, PsyD
Youll find yourself starting to wonder why the narcissist puts up with you.
Its a terrible feeling.
Youll question your own memories and judgment and strive to be better so the narcissist doesnt abandon you.
You might either try harder to c’mon them or pull away from them toprotect yourself.
The narcissist will feel hurt and enraged at your attempts to distance yourself from them.
Then, thecycle of idealization and devaluationwill start all over again.
Discard Stage
Thediscard stagecan play out in a few different ways.
The narcissist might decide that theyre done with you and that you have no further use for them.
The rejection is typically swift and brutal.
Who Is Targeted by the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle?
Narcissists may intentionallytarget peoplewho they believe are easier to exploit or manipulate.
This may include people who:
However, it is important to note that anyone can experience narcissistic abuse.
They develop over time, from mutual interest in each other to a stronger, more genuine connection.
Be suspicious of instant love.
Be ready to set limits orwalk awayif someone develops a pattern of mistreating you.
Find every excuse to do things by text or email.
This can help if the other person tries to gaslight you and present an alternative version of events.
Try not to let it happen.
When you start to wonder what’s real, they can help you figure it out.
Maintain Your Financial Independence
Try not to befinancially dependenton the narcissist if you could help it.
Obviously, that may not be possible if they’re your employer.
Keep in Mind
The narcissistic abuse cycle can be traumatic and emotionally scarring.
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