In particular, theavoidant attachment styleis commonly characterized by hyper-independence,conflict avoidance, and emotional distance.

If you have an avoidant attachment style, theres a tendency to nurture insecure relationships that enable emotional distance.

However, change is possible.

woman distancing herself from her partner

Verywell Mind / Getty Images

How our caregivers respond to our vulnerable stress forms ourattachment style.

As an avoidant dater, you have no problem being single.

Over time, you may distance yourself from others and focus on developing a strong sense of self.

As a result, you may dismiss the importance of relationships to managefears of intimacyand pre-emptively strike off rejection.

Step by step, you might learn how to break free from your habitual avoidant behaviors developed from childhood.

As you want more, I feel this urge to pull away from you.

Im working on this part of myself and could use your support.

All of this is hard for me to say, so I appreciate your patience.

Healing aninsecure attachment styleavoidant, anxious, or fearful-avoidantrequires earning a secure attachment style.

Celebrate your progress when youre able to stay present, feel what you’re feeling, and communicate.

It is important to practice processing your emotions and then sharing your thoughts with your partner when youre ready.

Check in and have ongoing communication as intimacy develops gradually.

It may feel shameful to acknowledge how muchalone timeyou need which leads to you wanting it even more.

To respect your need for independence, proactively speak to your partner about what that looks like.

Perhaps its taking certain vacations on your own or requiring the mornings for your routine.

Accept these urges without making a story out of them.

This doesnt have to be the case.

This starts by openly sharing your fears, insecurities, and needs.

Reach out to a trusted community where you might reach out for help.

Sullivan R.M.The neurobiology of attachment to nurturing and abusive caregivers.Hastings Law J.

2012;63(6):1553-1570.

Health (UK) NCC for M.Introduction to Childrens Attachment.

National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE); 2015.

2023;13(3):525-539.