Verywell / Madelyn Goodnight
Theend of a relationshipis never easy.
Breakups are filled with raw emotions, including everything from hurt andbetrayalto anger and sadness.
Eventually, you’ll be able to move onand one day you’ll find love again.
Just remember that getting over heartbreak and moving on is a grieving process that looks different for everyone.
Consequently, don’t hold yourself to any set timeframe.
But you will get through it.
Find out which option is the best for you.
Why Breaking Up Hurts So Much
Relationships with others form the foundation of a person’s life.
It is not uncommon to feel like you have lost your sense of meaning and purpose in life.
You may even feel like you lost a huge part of yourself.
And, in some respects you did.
You will not be the same person you were when you were with your ex.
It’s part of the past.
Yes, it is hard.
But you’ve got the option to do it.
you’re free to take the steps needed to get on with your life.
Here are some steps to processing your breakup and getting on with your life.
Take Your Time
Getting over an ex is a process.
It is not something you might rush through.
What’s more, you should avoid rebound dating at all costs.
Sure, this process stinks.
It takes a lot of time, energy, and hard work to process your feelings and emotions.
Allow Yourself to Feel
No one enjoys experiencing pain.
Be honest about the hurt, pain, and rejection you are feeling.
There is no shame inbeing sad.
So, when a breakup occurs, one side is usually shocked and hurt.
Talk to your friends about how you are feeling.
Just be careful not to dwell on your breakup every time you talk.
Be a considerate friend and sincerely ask about their lives as well.
They are trained to help people navigate breakups.
The bleeding and pain start all over again.
So unfollow them on all your accounts.
Better yet, avoid drinking excessively altogether.
For your sake, you should avoid situations like this at all costs.
View the Relationship Honestly
Take an objective look at what the relationship was really like.
While it is natural to look at the past through rose-colored glasses, it is not reality.
Choose to take an honest look at your relationship.
You could start by making a list of all the things your ex did that annoyed you.
What you may discover is that your ex wasn’t as awesome as you thought.
Perhaps you were involved in anemotionally abusiveorfinancially abusive relationship.
Maybe your ex was controlling or struggled withjealousy.
Whatever issues existed, be sure you remind yourself of those instead of focusing only on the good things.
This might mean taking time every day to pamper yourself in some way.
Read a good book.
Enjoy a cup of hot chocolate.
Take a long bath.
Whatever makes you feel comforted and cared for, now is the time to do that if you could.
In the end, those things will not make you feel better.
They are temporary fixes, and in the morning your pain and discomfort will still be there.
Find out who you are outside the context of the relationship.
It’s also a recipe for disaster and ultimately more heartache.
Many times, relationships fail because couples are not compatible or have different goals or needs.
check that you take the time todiscover who you areand what you want.
In fact, it can be downright cathartic tojournal your thoughts.
So grab a journal and start writing.
You may even want to write a letter to your ex expressing all your thoughts and feelings.
Just don’t send it.
Right now, your feelings are raw.
Get them out, but keep them to yourself.
It will eat you up inside.
Instead, focus onletting go of your angerand blame.
Remind yourself that forgiveness is not about forgetting.
It is about freeing yourself from being tied to your ex.
As a result, focus on letting go of your anger and stopping the blame game.
It actually can be a good thing, especially if you are no longer in atoxic relationship.
Instead of focusing on the negatives surrounding the breakup, look for ways to turn it into a positive.
Can you take that trip you have always dreamed of taking?
Look for ways to be thankful the relationship has ended, rather than dwelling on the pain.
it’s possible for you to meet new people and date again.
There is no such thing as one person for you.
Dating and relationships are about making choices, and there are plenty of people to choose from.
If you remind yourself of that on a regular basis, you will be less devastated over time.
And, even if you choose not to, that’s fine too.
You are never be defined by your relationships.
You matter and make a difference in the world.
2006;361(1476):2173-2186. doi:10.1098/rstb.2006.1938
