Often, a sense ofshameaccompanies our regrets.
As these feelings are so uncomfortable, we avoid them at all costs.
Or endless regret always stays with us.
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In the latter case, regret might haunt us and prevent us from progressing.
For example, maybe you worked too much while your children grew up.
Consequently, they are not close to you, and you are filled with regret about it.
You feel stuck because your kids and your grandchildren arent in touch.
You blame your past actions.
Letting go of regret is important for your mental, emotional and physical health.
How Regrets Are Harmful
Regrets can be harmful when we dont want to accept them.
For example, maybe you didnt defend your friend who was accused of saying something derogatory.
You didnt speak up at the time to clear their name.
You push down those feelings ofguiltand embarrassment because they are unpleasant.
You end up feeling disappointed in yourself and dont want to be reminded of the incident.
Or you remember the situation all too well, but dont know how to overcome your regret.
Various psychological problems result from regret.
Repetitive negative thought patterns and constant rumination can lead to stress,anxiety, and depression.
This kind of mental andemotional pain also affects our bodies.
A recent studyshows another negative effect self-blame has on our bodies.
We grow from reflection and can learn from our missteps.
Inspired to be better, we improve on our decision-making so we dont repeat our mistakes.
Another positive aspect of regret is it can move you closer to being your best self.
Therefore, regrets about their ideal selves were not resolved.
People were more likely to regret not living up to being that ideal person and using their full potential.
What Are Our Most Intense Regrets?
Yet, when these individuals reviewed their life paths, theintensityof regrets about inaction did not cause greater grief.
People felt more intense regret about the actions they did take.
Click below to listen now.
How Can You Stop Thinking About Regrets?
It might seem like your brain is playing the regret song on repeat.
Now you believe getting that college degree wouldve been a better choice.
Put yourself in your younger self’s shoes.
Ask yourself questions about your past choice.Did you do the best you could under the circumstances?
Was your decision based on the maturity you had at the time?
Answering these questions can help provide some insight into your decision.
Remind yourself that people can only make decisions based on the information they have at the time.
Cultivate Self-Compassion
Researchers at UC Berkeley conducted a studyabout self-compassion and regrets.
Those participants who viewed their regrets with self-compassion felt they learned from their mistakes.
With a positive adjustment, they were more motivated to improve themselves than the other groups.
In the study, researchers invited adults to write about their biggest regrets with kindness and self-compassion.
The control group wrote about a hobby they enjoyed participating in.
you might also write a letter to yourself about your regrets.
First, write in detail about the event and accept what happened.
Then write about what you learned from it and what you might do differently in the future.
Lastly, write about what could make this situation better now.
Regarding the last part, you cant go back in time.
But maybe you’re able to do something good now.
Consider counseling if you feel like you’re unable to move forward.
Mental health practitioners have a variety of therapies that might assist you.
For example,cognitive-behavioral therapycan help you disrupt negative thought patterns that are involved with regret.
It can help you learn how to create more positive behaviors.
Everyone has something (or many things) that they regret.
A therapist can help you manage feelings of regret so they no longer hold you back.
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Davidai S, Gilovich T.The ideal road not taken: The self-discrepancies involved in people’s most enduring regrets.Emotion.
Comparing the Effects of Several Theoretical Predictors of Regret Intensity.Front Psychol.
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