At a Glance
Those of us with in-laws have all been there.
A snide comment here, boundary-breaking behavior there.
Navigating your in-laws can becomplicated(I see you nodding).
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Getting Along
Be sure to be polite andrespectful.
Or if you both love dancing, go out and dance to a live rock-and-roll band.
Seeing each other more can help the relationship.
Closeness also increased when the MIL reported that she spent more time with her DIL.
She may have always been the leading lady in her son’s life.
And now you have taken her place.
No one likes to feel replaced, excluded orabandoned.
She will quickly turn from a tiger to a cute purring kitten with a few sincere compliments.
If you have an avoidant attachment style, for example, you may struggle with intimacy.
This might color your behavior and emotional response to your mother-in-law.
Common complaints from daughters-in law focus on their mother-in-laws criticism and unsolicited advice.
Keep in mind that her suggestions might come from a place of good intentions.
Keller says remember that she knows her son well.
If she critiques your cooking, be humble.
The correct answer is always, We both want him to be happy, successful and feel loved."
That doesnt mean having no boundaries.
Compromise with your mother-in-law whenever possible and respect her priorities, but establishing clear boundaries is still important.
Draw the line when necessary and reduce your own stress level.
Rather than fight, use constructive and respectful communication.
Effective communication can create a strong foundation so youll both feel relaxed and comfortable.
And be sure to communicate with your spouse privately if youre upset about something regarding your mother-in-law.
Disagreements naturally will arise in any relationship, butyour mother-in-lawmight have a different conflict resolution style than you do.
Maybe she avoids conflict at all costs.
Maybe you prefer to confront a problem head-on and talk about it until its resolved.
Once you see that its a style difference, it’s possible for you to move forward.
Brush up onconflict resolution mistakeslike becoming defensive, blaming the other, or issuing character attacks.
Work on negotiating a middle ground with her.
Cognitive reframinginvolves changing negative thought patterns.
Applying this technique can help you view conflicts with your mother-in-law in a much more positive light.
Creating a Healthy Connection
Empathyis a powerful tool that can enhance your relationship with your mother-in-law.
Truly give a shot to understand her perspective.
This can lead to better communication and a more fulfilling relationship.
Listen attentively and focus on bonding with your mother-in-law.
Share personal stories, too; this can bridge a gap and help you both create common ground.
it’s possible for you to develop a fulfilling and harmonious relationship with your mother-in-law.
The rewards of a positive relationship are well worth it.
A happy relationship will also benefit your marriage and contribute to a more peaceful family life.
Woolley ME, Greif GL.Mother-in-Law Reports of Closeness to Daughter-in-Law: The Determinant Triangle with the Son and Husband.
Mother-in-law childcare and perinatal depression in rural Pakistan.
Womens Health (Lond Engl).
