Verywell / Laura Porter
You cheated on your partner, but your relationship does not necessarily have to end.
But repairing a relationship after infidelity can only happen if you truly regretyour decision to cheat.
Should You stash your Marriage?
Verywell / Laura Porter
Infidelity comes in many forms.
Some people consciously or subconsciously use cheating as a way to end a marriage.
Others cheat when seeking validation or fulfillment from an outside relationship.
While others may be impulsive and take opportunities for immediate gratification.
Regardless of the reasons, some relationships will be salvageable after cheating and some might come to an end.
Can you fix a broken relationship after cheating?
It is possible, but it takes both people to make the decision to keep trying.
There are a number of reasons why a relationship might not survive infidelity.
Deciding the relationship is not salvageable after cheating can be a painful but necessary conclusion.
Notice whether you feel regretful about cheating on your partner.
Do you feel ready to be held accountable for your actions?
Are you willing to invest the time to heal your relationship?
Is cheating on your partner something you feel you’ll do again?
Be honest with yourself.
In cases where the infidelity was fleeting, it may be easier to stop and cut ties.
When ending anemotional affair, on the other hand, the process may be more difficult.
The person you cheated with might also have feelings for you.
Avoid putting the blame on your partner or on your relationship problems.Apologizeto your partner.
Make a Decision
Do you and your partner both want to stay in the relationship?
If you stay together, your relationship will be different moving forward.
But you’ve got the option to build a new relationship.
It will take time, but make a run at look toward your future together, not the past.
If your partner wants to end the relationship, you’re gonna wanna respect their decision.
It’s likely that youhad to lieto your partner to keep your cheating a secret.
Now is the time for transparency.
Be direct and open so you can help your relationship get to solid ground.
Honesty in relationships is associated with lower conflict.
But it is important for both partners to agree on being honest and to talk about their expectations.
Keep Your Promises
If you say you are going to be somewhere, be there.
If you say you are going to do something, do it.
Be dependable anddon’t break your promises.
It’ll be harder to rebuild trust in your relationship if you are not dependable and reliable.
Can you rebuild trust in a relationship after cheating?
Try not to hide things from them anymore.
It is normal for your partner to feel betrayed and be mistrustful.
Acknowledge their feelings and work toward rebuilding the trust that you have betrayed.
Don’t expect your partner to trust you again right away.
But, with time, you’re able to venture to regain their trust.
If you cheated because your relationship wasn’t meeting your needs, tell your partner what those needs are.
It’s important you both understand each other fully and have a sense of what the other person needs.
Plan date nights and, when your partner is ready, consider taking a getaway together.
You might consider seeing a relationship counselor or amarriage counselorto help with that process.
Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating?
Be Willing to Forgive
In addition to being forgiven by your partner, you better forgive yourself.
One study looked at how couples rebuild their marriage after an affair.
Researchers found that while the process was difficult, forgiveness played a critical role.
Being Unhappy in the Relationship
Be honest about why you cheated in the first place.
Many people cheat because they’re unsatisfied with the relationship.Maybe youfell out of lovewith your partner.
It’s possible you cheated because you were unhappy and wanted the relationship to end.
Or, maybe you cheated because you’re not as committed to your partner as they are to you.
You may decide you don’t want to continue the relationship.
Seeking Revenge
Some people cheat because they are seeking revenge for something their partner did to them.
For instance, maybe you are angry at them forbetraying you.
Perhaps your partner cheated in the past or crossed your boundaries.
Victims of sexual betrayal often seekrevengein the form of infidelity.
However, there may be needs your partner can’t fulfill.
Yourattachment stylethe way you relate to other peoplemay also influence cheating.
The first step is being honest and understanding yourself better.
A Word From Verywell
You may have been unhappy in your relationship for a long time.
Cheating usually complicates relationships, even if it felt good in the beginning.
It is courageous to be honest with yourself and your partner.
Either way, accepting responsibility will help you progress.
2013;27(2):242-251. doi:10.1037/a0032118
