Verbal abuse is an interaction in which a person is harmed by the words of another.
Unlike physical abuse, the scars are invisible, which is why it can be harder to recognize.
Verbal abuse can take a major toll on self-esteem, mental health, and well-being.
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Understanding Intent Behind Verbal Abuse
It’s important to note that verbal abuse can occur unintentionally.
The decision to behave harmfully does not need to be present in order for someone to be abusive.
For example, a person might think their words and insults are toughening you up or making you stronger.
They may like you and not know how to deal with those feelings or envy you.
But, again, the intent is irrelevant to the outcome in this situation.
Whatever their intentions are, the effects are the same.
Verbal abuse damages self-esteem.It destroys relationships and has lasting effects on well-being.
Even if someone “doesn’t mean to hurt you,” they are hurting you.
Unfortunately, statistics suggest that verbal abuse is a common problem.
It’s particularly hard when it comes from someone close to you.
However, finding ways to protect yourself is crucial.
It’s important to call out the behavior and set boundaries, whether or not the harm is intentional.
There are several ways to handle verbal abuse.
It’s helpful to start with the first step and continue through the others as needed.
Handling verbal abuse isn’t about trying to change the other person.
That’s not your job.
This should be done directly with the person if it is safe for you to do so.
Using"I feel" statementsis a way to clearly explain your feelings without making themdefensive.
Your best bet, though, is to be clear and firm in your request.
Since you don’t want that, do your best to not engage directly with the abuse.
Remain Calm, If Possible
It’s tough when someone is provoking us to remain calm.
Setting firm boundarieswith clear, simple consequences is an important next step when you are dealing with verbal abuse.
One example is, “If you speak to me like that again I will leave.”
“I don’t want to be called names.
If you call me a name again, I won’t talk to you anymore.”
Boundaries are meaningless if they aren’t enforced.
When your boundary is crossed, do your best to remain calm as you explain the situation.
Since you just did what I asked you not to, I need to go now."
Unfortunately, this often isn’t the case.
Here are your options for what to do in that case.
You want to do all you’re able to to remain calm and not engage.
However, when you return to the situation, try not to engage with the person again.
You deserve to be safe from verbal abuse, so be sure to reach out for help if needed.
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