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Perfectionism in relationships can lead to conflict, criticism, and lack of intimacy.
It can leave one person feeling disappointed and the other person feeling unappreciated.
When these expectations are too high and unrealistic, it might be a sign of perfectionism.
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Perfectionists hold themselves and their partners to impossible standards.
This can lead to emotional reactivity, criticism, and a lack of flexibility.
What Is a Perfectionist?
The decision-making process moves from careful to paralyzing, sometimes referred to asanalysis paralysis.
Doubting Decisions
The heavy analyzation does not stop after a perfectionist has come to a decision.
Often their minds may show them a variety of reasons it may not have been the right choice.
Heavily Concerned Over Mistakes
A primary goal of perfectionism is to avoid emotional pain.
It can feel easier for them to avoid working on the project or presentation until it is absolutely necessary.
Even healthy and constructive feedback can bereceived as rejectionby a perfectionist and hurt deeply.
The pain then activates defensive tendencies to protect themselves.
Depression
Being a perfectionist can feel draining.
Perfectionists often struggle to know where that line is and their expectations of self can be unreasonable and unattainable.
Because of theirall-or-nothing thinking, perfectionists are often operating in a deficit in terms of the view of self.
This emotional loop that a perfectionist might find themself in can bring about feelings of hopelessness and depression.
What Perfectionism in Relationships Looks Like
Being in a relationship with a perfectionist can feel challenging.
There are a variety of ways that perfectionism can impact relationships.
This can show up as agitation, frustration,anger, and even demands.
Perfectionists try toavoid feeling vulnerableby controlling their behaviors and performance.
Being close to someone, emotionally or physically, can significantly threaten their emotional safety.
This can make it difficult for someone toexperience intimacywith their perfectionist partner.
Feedback or a challenging opinion can signal rejection, unworthiness, disconnection, and isolation.
A perfectionist partner’s reactivity can be intimidating and unpleasant for their partner.
So, what are some helpful things partners can do when they are in a relationship with a perfectionist?
As you observe your partner, can you become curious to know their world?
Likely, your perfectionist partner has not allowed many people close.
Work on havingcompassionfor your partner.
Communicate Your Boundaries
Share with your partner when it feels as if anemotional boundaryhas been crossed.
Unfortunately, theirinner criticoften returns quickly.
Remind your partner that it is okay to celebrate themselves, and you, for a little while.
Unfortunately, that makes it difficult for them to experience closeness and a sense of intimacy with a partner.
You might find that they strive to stay in control of their emotions and are a bit closed off.
Invite them to take an emotional risk with you to share their longings, desires, andfears.
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